wake up // lil xan

moonlight.

I gulped, anxiety coursing through me, "Mom, listen..."

Her eyes snapped to mine, a fire behind them I've never seen before in my life. Air seemed nonexistent as she pursed her lips and looked down at me, a look I had only seen once. My hand scrambled to the pill and slipped it back into my pocket. I didn't think that through because she immediately looked at my pocket and back to me.

"What was that?" she asked, her voice low.

"Tylenol? I got drunk last night and I have a hangover," I replied, hoping my voice sounded as natural as possible in that moment.

"Really? So what's on your wrist?" she questioned.

I glanced at my wrist and snorted, "Mom, it's literally almost faded away now. I just fell asleep on it wrong, is all."

Her face was tight, "Diego, I don't know if I can trust you right now. You've been acting strange this school year and I don't want anything to push you to the edge. You've been getting drunk! You aren't even trying to hide it from me!"

Hanging my head low I think back to what she was referring to, and I kept back my tears, "Mom, that's not gonna happen, and you did the same shit!"

She sighed, "Okay, I know it isn't, baby. I was just worried because you are my baby. And I may have done the same shit, but not when I was fifteen, Diego! You better watch yourself. I have to get to work, but you better be here tonight."

I sat up on my bed. My mom turned around one last time and I felt even worse. She seemed tired, afraid, and restless as she kept looking me over; guilt started pouring into me as I saw her reaction to something that wasn't even an option in my mind. My legs hanged off the bed as I faced her.

"Mom?" my voice soft, "You know I wouldn't do that to you."

"Words are easier to speak than to believe," she whispered, and the door creaked shut.

And there I sat, where the only things to keep me company was anxiety and xans.

+ + + + +

Needless to say, I skipped school and laid in bed while playing with three little white pills. They sat in my palm as I would listen to them clatter, and debate if I should take another. I didn't know if Kim or Chelsea would try to come over after school or if my mom would barge in for a second time. The pills felt like they were burning into my skin, begging me to pluck them up and drop them in my mouth. My throat tightened at the thought of taking them all at once, but that was interrupted when my phone let out a soft 'ping' disrupting my thoughts. I groaned and picked up my phone; expecting to see my mom harassing me. Yet another unknown number found me.

xxx-xxx-xxxx: wassup di?

me: who is this?

xxx-xxx-xxxx: it's gus. mind if i drop by???

me: cmon bro

I sat up and tugged on some pants before I made my way to the front of the house. Daisy sat by the kitchen and had her eyes trained on me. My mouth twitched into a grin at her. Her tail wagged lazily as I blew her a kiss. The house's silence was broken as I heard a soft, slow knock on the front door, and I shuffled to answer it. Gus stood there, staring down at me, his pink hair was ruffled and he gave me a grin. I smiled back at him, "What's good, G?"

"Just been chillin' today. Kim told me you didn't make it to school today," he spoke, stepping into my house and eyeing the place. I took a step back into the kitchen and leaned against the wall.

I shrugged, unbothered, "Yeah, didn't feel that shit today."

Gus laughed, "Are any of us really feelin' school like that, man?"