wake up // lil xan

pink roses.

It was a few weeks after I told Gus and Trace about my uncle. It was tense between Gus and I for a few days until we finally let the whole situation roll off. In those weeks Trace had become distant like every time him and Gus got too close. While this took an emotional toll on my best friend, and it did hurt me to see him like that, it kept us fucked. The past week I wasn't sober one time. It didn't phase me because at least we were switching between shit. Xans weren't that hard to come by anymore because Gus' music has taken a rise on SoundCloud and people were starting to notice him. His name on there was LiL Peep and now he's got me calling him Peep, too. Now we're using xanax, addy, tree, percs, and tabs. I've never been so fucked up and I keep falling for it even more.

Tonight we were hitting the streets and I was already off three bars when Peep was dragging me down some alley. The pavement made muted steps that echoed off the bricks surrounding us and my breath was caught in my throat when I saw what he had taken me to. In front of me was a door that had been battered countless times and I knew where it lead. My uncle had taken me here when I was younger, saying it was part of his job, but it's just a club to keep the ring tight. Sweat started gathering in my palms, but what truly knocked the breath out of me was seeing the girl off to the side of the door.

Laken.

Her blonde hair was pulled back in a tight bun, eyeliner flicked at the corner of her eyes, and her stomach was incredibly flat. She had lost weight since the last time I had seen her, and it made my stomach twist. When she turned away to talk to someone I gasped because I saw a bruise that resembled a hand print a little too much for my liking. I was about to reach out, try and talk when Peep grabbed my hand.

"Bro, this club is lowkey. Don't tell no one about this shit because it could break you," he warned.

I gulped a breath down, "I already know."

His eyes widened, "What?"

"Uncle."

The conversation went moot.

Next thing I know we're thrown into a crowded room with smoke fogging everything up and people shouting. Gus kept his hand on my elbow as he lead me through the clusters of tables and drunk people. There was a line of people flowing from doors of what I assumed to be bathrooms until one person caught my eye. They had short, blue hair and wearing a checkered tube top with high waisted shorts hugging their sides. I wasn't sure if they were a boy or girl when they spoke with their husky voice.

"It's blow for blow," they laughed. I noticed that their eyes were glassy and wide. Their pupils were blown.

"Fuck, y'all got coke?" I asked.

"Only if you suck dick or want your dick sucked," they giggled. Before I had a chance to respond, Peep was already dragging me down the hallway, cutting through the lines of people.

When we reached the other side of the hall I noticed another door that seemed to almost blend in with the wall, and I was soon enough being dragged through it. I fumbled in my pocket for another xan when I heard a gruff voice cut the air.

"Whatcha lookin' for?"

My eyes snapped to the voice and there sat a man with thick, coke bottle glasses on and a gold chain hanging limply on his collar bones. His hair was blonde and pulled up into a bun with tattoos inking up his neck and down to his fingers. The blood in my veins ran cold and I shook my head, "Nothin' man. Just a xanny."

He snorted while he opened a desk drawer, rummaging in it, and then tossing a bottle at me. I caught it and looked down to read the prescription was under the name of Benjamin Mason for Xanax. The bars rattled as they slid into my hand and I popped another three in, while watching the man behind the desk.