Depth of Me •••#Wattys2018•••

What I Wanted

I don't really know what I wanted. I don't really know if I'm ready or if ever I am truly and fully in love with you.

All I know is I like talking to you and sharing secrets with you. I like knowing that I'm the only one who knows things about you. I like it when there are things you don't tell others but confide to me. I like it because it makes me feel that I am special, that I am someone important enough for you to give me a piece of your heart. I like listening to you whenever you talk. I like you listening to me when it's my turn to lead the conversation. I like it when you laugh at my jokes and when I'm not feeling okay, I like it that you look after me.

But at the same time, I'm also scared. Scared when our playful conversations becomes deep and when your eyes say more than what you're telling me. I'm scared that you might not feel the same but I'm also scared of what I'm going to do with your love if ever you would let me have it. I'm scared that you would find someone funnier and braver than I am, someone who seems so sure of what her heart really wants. I'm also scared that if you choose me, what then? I'm scared of change but I know that fearing change is also denying the idea of progress and fearing change is almost equal to settling for what's in front of me now, and I don't know if I'm ok with us just being this.

I don't really know what I wanted but I do know what I do not want - I don't want you to give up on me just yet.