After paying for my coffee I left the cafe feeling the crisp chilly air fill my lungs. Fall is my favorite season since I loved to bundle up and watch as the leaves gently drifted with the cool breeze.
I made my way over to an old wooden bench and slumped back against it, eyes closed enjoying the cold refreshing somewhat polluted air.
My mind was finally clear and I was completely relaxed. Peace, I felt calm for the first time in a while.
"And we meet again." his annoying deep voice spoke, destroying my peacefully calm state. Just when my head was finally clear of him he comes back to mess everything up.
"Ugh, what do you want?"
"To talk,"
"About what?"
"I don't know actually. To be honest I didn't think our conversation would last this long." Taehyung scratched the back of his neck with a shy smile and sat next to me. I would be lying if I said I didn't get a weird feeling from having him this close again. It was probably just the pollution and I don't want to feel like this anymore.
"Good cause I'm leaving."
"Wait, please don't go again. I really just wanna talk." He pleaded, grabbing the back of my sweater. My mind kept telling me to reject him and just go home, but the words to do so wouldn't leave my mouth and I was shocked at what came out instead.
"Okay," I shrugged.
'WTF NOOO!' I was yelling at my stupid body for not obeying me.
"Really?!"
"Yeah."
'What the heck stupid mouth!!' I internally smacked myself as I sat back down, both of us looking at nothing in particular.
It was quiet and calm, one might even say we looked peaceful. However, the silence was making my heart race and it was irritating. I snapped my head towards him and he did the same. It was kinda freaky how we did it at the same time and it caught me off guard.
"Hey...I know you hate me right now...and I don't know why that is...so can you please tell me so that I can fix it?"
His words left me stunned, but I quickly recovered and hid my surprised expression. A heavy sigh left my lips as I leaned back, a habit I've picked up recently.
"Do you really not remember abandoning me on our mission?" I said quietly feeling the burn of in my throats as the words slipped out.
"What are you talking about? I would never abandon you." He said confidently almost making me want to believe him, but it ended up angering me more.
"Well, that's what happened! The day I went missing was the same day you left me in that building...On OUR mission...To die!" I glared at him with all the rage I had held in for years, but my anger faded and uncovered the sorrow I was hiding. My head drooped down and I stared at the floor, feeling my heart sting.
"I thought you loved me..." I whispered as tears brimmed my eyes remembering the excruciating pain I had suffered for months...years. I was so mad that it still affected me, I was supposed to be stronger than this.
'I thought I moved on?'
Taehyung's face looked broken and hurt, but his face relaxed and he seemed to realize what I was talking about.
'Finally'
Hot salty tears had begun to fall down my cheeks and I couldn't contain it anymore. I immediately stood up causing Taehyung to do so as well.
"(Y/n) that's not what happened, I didn't abandon you!! Give me a chance! I ca-" He tried explaining, but I didn't want to listen.
"SHUT IT! I don't want to hear it!"
"You have too! It's the only way you'll understand what happened!" He stated gripping my arms as I tried to push him away.
"NO! Get away from me! I hate you!"
I couldn't control it anymore all the pent-up emotions I've held in for 3 years came crashing down so easily. Like a raging fire, I was livid as I fought against his grip crying my heart out and I'm sure people looked at me like I was crazy, but it's true I am crazy. I kill people without remorse, I've drugged, I've tortured, I was an assassin and I work in a gang. Yet I broke so easily.
I don't understand how he has such an effect on me and it's annoying. I'm supposed to be strong, emotionless, unable to cry, but when I'm with him I can't help it. He makes me feel like I'm human again, but I'm not human I'm a monster.
I shoved him off me as tears endlessly fell from my red puffy eyes. Without another thought, I bolted down the sidewalk not caring who I ran into. I just wanted to go home and that's what I did.
I burst the door ignoring my gang's worried voices as I rushed up to my bathroom and slammed the door closed. I sunk to the floor wrapping my arms around my legs as I sobbed.
Helpless, I felt helpless. Just like how I was before getting rescued by Black Pink.
The days, months I had spent being brutally beaten and tortured, practically to the point of death. Where was he when I needed him? Where was he when I was starved? When I was whipped? When I was drugged? When I looked for him after our mission?
No where
I sniffled and wiped off my tears before standing up, looking at myself in the mirror.
"I'm strong, he won't affect me like this. I won't let him." I grumbled under my, rubbing of the tear stains that flowed down my cheeks.
