dead // s.m.

thirteen

October 5th, 2018

"Shawn! Shawn! Shhhh it's okay. It's over now." Layla spoke gently. She had finally found him, curled up on the bathroom floor and wailing.

He snapped out of his flashback, being held my Layla. He could feel his wet checks, which only freaked him out more because he couldn't get the feeling of blood pouring down his face out of his mind. He wasn't aware of how loud he was being.

Yet, he couldn't control it. He was still in so much pain, and the feeling of gasping on the side of the hill wouldn't go away.

"Make it stop," he whimpered. Layla wiggled under his weight to try to stop his rocking.

"It will go away in a few minutes. You just have to stop thinking about it." She told him, although she wasn't sure if he could hear her over his own cries. Nevertheless, she did all she could to sooth him: played with his hair, held him tight, and whispered comforting things.

After a while, Layla could tell that the pain had finally simmered down because Shawn stopped trembling. It was just his mental demons he was combating now.

"Did you hurt?" He finally spoke, without moving.

"I died in my sleep so not near as much as I imagine you are, but yeah. I did." Layla told him, remising to when she went through what Shawn is going through as a young child.

"What was yours like?"

"My death? Well, I was at my house asleep on the couch, asleep on my mom might I add. The cancer took over me and I died in my sleep. Mom didn't even notice for like 30 minutes. As for pain, it was the worst headache I've ever experienced. It felt like my brain just exploded."

They sat in silence as Shawn coped with his new trauma. Finally he had himself under control, and he knew what came next.

"Where is my family?"

"Follow me," Layla told him and took his hand. They walked through the halls of the hospital that both of them know so well from their childhood days. Instead of going to the cancer wing however, they went to the critical care unit.

"They're just in there." Layla gestured to the door so he could go in first.

Shawn saw himself laying in the bed. His skin was still blue and there were numerous tubes and needles connecting him to the machines. Around him was his mother, who was holding his hand, and his father, who was just behind her.

"What are we going to tell Aaliyah?" Karen spoke in a whisper, even still her voice broke.

"The truth. I can go pick her up from her friends house and bring her here so she can see him and say her goodbyes," Manny said.

"No. I don't want her to see him like this. I don't want this to be the last thing she remembers about him." Karen sniffled.

"Okay." He agreed. "We still need to pick her up though. She would be distraught if she wasn't even here."

"You're right. I can go-"

"No. You stay here with him. I'll go."

"Manny are you sure?"

"Yes."

•

Shawn passed away while Manny was out. When he returned, a blood chilling scream could be heard throughout the hospital as his baby sister discovered the news.

Shawn looked on and felt helpless. He had done this to them, he was the one who had put them through this suffering. It was a feeling he couldn't shake. One that would have him feeling at fault for the rest of eternity.

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