Little Too Late? (JenSoo)

4

Jennie's POV

“Kim Jisoo, aren’t you tired of what you’re doing? Because if you ask me? I’m so fucking tired. What part didn’t you understand? I am straight and i don’t like you that way. Please stop bothering me again. PLEASE. I. DON’T. LIKE. YOU. I’m doing this because you were once my friend. Find someone who will love you because that is what you deserve. I want a family Jisoo. I want to have a child and you know so damn well that a two females can’t do that right? So please stop. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Thank you And Good bye, Kim Jisoo”

Saying those words breaks my heart too as much as it breaks yours, Chu. Looking into your sad eyes is killing me. I am sorry. I am so sorry my Chu. I needed to walk away before I could lose my control to hug you so tight and say the words you've been waiting patiently to hear from me.

I hate you.
I hate you Kim Jisoo.
I hate that I am falling deeply for you. This is wrong. Falling for you is the biggest mistake I've ever done. Please stop before i can't hold it back anymore. Sorry if i said those words. There is no any other way for you to stop. If only loving you is never wrong then i would've shown you my love a long long time ago. Sorry if i am not brave enough. I've been working my ass off to get the approval and gain the trust of my father. I just can't let all my hardwork on building myself as good role model in the eyes of other people go into waste. I can't disappoint them. I would never want to let them down. Sorry if i am so selfish.

I hate you so much for putting me into this dilemma. I've never been so confused in my whole life before. All my goals are already set and I plan it very well before you came but now i don't know what path to take.

Why you gotta be so optimistic?
You should have stopped or you should've just never started this. My parents won't accept us, especially my father. People will going to hate and judge us.
We'll never be really happy knowing the people around us are hurting.

Please don't hate me, Chu.

Just please stop and let me go. It's hard for the both of us but this is for our good.
I just hope you would understand.

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Driving home is always lonely. I always keep imagining that you're here with me, talking about our day and stuffs, laughing and holding your precious hand in mine without any worries. Everytime you ask me if you could drive me home or ask me to have dinner I always wanted to say yes right away but i can't. It has always been so hard. It always takes a lot of self control to say no. If you only knew Chu. I'm being too harsh on you these days because I'm so mad at myself for being too weak and i can't help but to vent my range on you.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when my phone rings.

"Hello? Lisa."

"Unnie! How are you? How was it? She's still waiting for you? Isn't she?"

"Unfortunately, she's still not giving up" i sigh

"Do you still keeps on ignoring her?"

"Yeah, but this time I'm trying my very best to push her away"

"But unnie i thought you like her? No, scratch that cause you already love her". She sigh

"Yes but this is wrong. So wrong, Lisa! My dad's gonna disown me if he finds out that his so-called perfect daughter is a whole queer" my voice is wavering. My tears are starting to fall.

"Are you okay, unnie?" she asked worriedly

"Yes, of course. I'm just tired because of work" i answered defensively

"Jennie unnie" she said sternly. my best friend really knows me so well.

I sigh heavily
"I'm hurting, I'm sad, I feel like shit, Lisa"

"Why is that unnie?"

"I just told her the things that would hurt so much. The hurt and sadness in her eyes are slowly drowning me to guilt. She doesn't deserve it. She's an incredible woman. She's an amazing person, Lisa" i sobbed that i need to stop driving and just pull over to the side of the road.

"Sshhhhh it's okay unnie. Everything will be fine" she tried comfort

"I hope so. Thanks Lisa" i say while wiping my tears

"Wanna come over tomorrow?" i asked

"I'm sorry Unnie but i can't. My best friend is comming to visit tomorrow. I'm so sorry unnie. You know i can't cancel it last minute, for sure she would get mad at me"

"Oh it's okay. Enjoy your time with Chaeyoung!"

"Thank you unnie. Don't worry I'll visit you next week or so".

"Okay, Lisa. Need to hung up the phone now. I'm driving"

"Okay unnie, please be safe always. Love you!"

"Yeah, I will. Love you too. Bye!"

I sigh and wipe my remaining tears then continue to drive home.

--

When i got home i don't feel like eating so i just went directly to my room and took a warm bath. When i was about to sleep my phone rings and it was my cousin Suho.

"Hello, Jwennieee!"

"Uuuh oppa stop it. What do you want?!" i answered annoyingly

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Our kitten is angry! Chill, Jen!" he chuckled.

"Fine, I'm sorry oppa. I'm just tired. So what is it?"

"Will you attend the business trip in Jeju this Friday?"

"No i won't. I still have a lot of work at the office. I actually forgot that, I'll just ask Wendy to attend that"

"Oh come on, Jennie! You need to have a break too. It is just 3 weeks, okay? You have a lot of good employees let them handle the company" He whines

"It's just a waste of time oppa. You'll just going to sit, listen, fake a smile to the other bubusinessmen. Nah, I'd rather stay at home or at my office, oppa"

"But.. I wanted to see my favorite cousin. It's been like 4 or 5 years already since the last time we saw and talked to each other"

"Wait! What do you mean? And how did you know about that business trip?"

"Uh, I'm coming back to Korea, dad wants me to take over our business and he wants me attend that business trip so i could get to know some businessman, build connection and have a glimpse of business world"

"Oh really? That's great! Congratulations oppa! Now you will know how it feels"

"Thanks but I'm not really that excited with all those expectations and pressures from other people. Anyways, i really thought you would come" he sighed

"I'm sorry, oppa. I'm just really busy, i dont want to disappoint dad. Why not visit me at my office and have some coffee next time?"

"Okay fine. You left me with no other choice. I'll visit after the business trip okay?" he sigh

"Aawe, I'm really really sorry let's just catch up when you visit here. Uhm oppa gotta go now. I'm tired and sleepy" i said and yawn

"Okay, have good night Jen. Sleep tight and take care always. Don't overwork yourself. Bye!"

I hung up the phone and turn off the light.

I just stared at the sky through my window and whispered

"Jichu-ya, i hope you're okay, i know you're hurting but guess what? I'm hurting too, so much" i chuckled bitterly.

"Yes, your patience and hard work paid off. I'm really falling deeply for you. I wish you know that I've been loving you too for a long time now. Always take care of yourself for me. Don't let the bugs bite you. Good night and I love you, Kim Jisoo"

And with that i just cried myself to sleep hoping to ease the pain.