Lights Out

Gonna Be Okay (Jaspar)

A/N: I'm back it's a miracle I know. Warnings: MPreg, fluff and internal existential crisis (hey! It's my life but without the mpreg and fluff lmao). Enjoy the ride.

This is not I need right now. This is not what we need right now. 'We' being Joseph Sugg and I. 'I' being Caspar Lee.

It's 2018 for heaven's sake. With the undying support of our closest friends and family, we knew we had to finally come out of the closet. Finally tell everyone that yeah, we'd been together for nearly two years. You see, we lived together for a couple of years and in that time we were just friends with benefits. We hooked up every now and then, enjoying being young, but neither of us really considered each other as anything more. We were living together, we didn't need to go any further. When we moved our separate ways we agreed with a laugh to still be around for a good ol' fuck when the either of us needed it. Our respective apartments were only a stone's throw away and considering Joe had three bedrooms all to himself, it seemed obvious that that would be the primary location for our little get-to-togethers.

Slowly, and surely if you ask either Josh or Zoe, we were both starting to realise that living apart wasn't what either of us wanted. How naive we were to think it wouldn't change anything. Looking back, it changed things for good. Me staying over at Joe's in desperation of a fuck was becoming increasingly regular and there was something unspoken. We could both tell we wanted more but neither of us knew how to articulate that, so it was a run-of-the-mill 'fuck fest' (as Josh called it) when something hit me the morning after when we were laying in bed together. I didn't want to leave. It wasn't just because it was cold outside or because I wanted to do round number goodness knows how many, but because, just maybe, I was in love with Joe. This kind of terrified me at first. With confidence that Joe had to feel something, I just told him. Straight out and honest, I told him that I didn't want to leave and that whenever I went home I wanted to come back and that maybe I had feelings that went beyond a quick fuck. He was relieved. He felt the same way.

That was sorted, our closest friends and family knew but we also knew we weren't going to tell the viewers instantly. Joe had kept every one of his relationships off the internet and I had put every one of my relationships on the internet -that's why I freaked out and started 'dating' a girl called Maddie and making videos with her, she was nice enough.

Our relationship officially started less than three months after we moved our separate ways and now it's nearly two years down the the track. I had been secretly living at Joe's for a year and a half and now, it's 2018 for heaven's sake, we decided it was time to tell the viewers. However, the news I got this morning, which is not what we need I assure you, might get in the way of something. I have to tell Joe, but fuck, how on earth am I going to do that?

You see, in the midst of our healthy sex life -we sometimes got so carried away we forgot to use protection. We didn't see it as much of a problem, considering we were both STI free and monogamous. Turns out, we should've seen it as more of a problem. Everyone knows that some guys can get pregnant, but the chances are so low it barely ever happens -especially because they need to bottom in anal sex (let alone be ovulating at the right time). Of course we were dumb enough to have unprotected sex without thinking to get either of us tested for having a uterus. Fuck. That's what we did that got us into this mess.

The camera's ready to go, Joe's excited, Zoe's already baking celebratory cupcakes, Alfie's got some sort of present already organised -everything's ready to go except me. Me who just did a pregnancy test in the bathroom of Waitrose because it occurred to me so suddenly when I accidentally walked past the tests in the aisle. I was meant to be home any minute, with the last minute snacks for this grand coming out party. Okay to be fair it isn't that grand, just a few friends chilling together with a huge burden lifted off their shoulders. It was just gonna be Alfie, Zoe, Josh, Byron, Joe and I.