Forgiveness: Grelliam Story

Panic Attacks

Waking up on the cold hard floor of a certain ginger haired subordinate's living room was not nearly as horrid as William expected. Yes it was uncomfortable and relatively cold. His side hurt from where it had been pressed into the ground and he could hear the annoying clamour of a terrible attempt at cooking going on in the kitchen. But the small bundle of red curled into his side made up for all of that. His glasses were slightly lopsided on his face, and a few strands of red hair were blown upward with each breath. 

"Mmnngh, Will?" Grell blinked as he slowly began to wake. "I had the strangest dream..." William could hardly help himself, and kissed Grell gently on his forehead. Grell's eyes widened a little further, and Will could see something register in his mind. "It wasn't a dream, was it?" He was smiling happily to himself now and curled closer to Will, fingers playing with his t-shirt fabric.

"Well well!" Two heads snapped up to watch as a ruffled head and slightly singed of ginger entered the room. Obviously it was Ronald who had been attempting to do the cooking. A strange feeling of constriction rose in Williams chest. It felt a little like someone had moved all his intestines up to his rib cage, both restricting his breathing and making his stomach feel completely empty. When people say they feel 'gutted' sounded like the right sort of word for it, although it actually meant something completely different. Either way it made him want to curl up into a small ball and vanish through the floor.

"Someone got laid last night!" Ronald laughed as he leaned against the doorframe, dopey half drunk smile painted on his face.. Will knew that was just his way but couldn't help wish he would disappear as well.

"Ronald! How dare you!" Grell shrieked at him, a blur of red leaping to his feet. Only then did he notice William staring shell shocked at the ground. "Will? Are you ok?" He put his hand gently on his superiors shoulder. William jumped at the touch. He shivered and twitched for a moment, then the next thing Grell and Ronald knew he had dashed out the room as if the devil itself was on his heels. When thought about, that scenario was highly probable in their line of work. "Will Darling?!"

Will sat outside Ronald's apartment, just around the side of it in the vain hope that he wouldn't be seen. He hadn't made it far, coming down from his adrenaline high the moment he stepped into the fresh air. He didn't quite know what had happened, but recognised the feeling slightly. It had happened once or twice before, whenever he was forced into a situation where he was the centre of everyone's attention. Not as in public speaking or anything, but times when he was forced to do somewhat embarrassing or unexpected things. He didn't quite know how to explain it. It had never been this bad before though. Usually he just swallowed it down and carried on with what ever he was doing, but this time it had reached a breaking point. His breathing was harsh, but beginning to slow down, and there were tear tracks running down his face. More than anything he was afraid. Why was this happening now? Why did it happen at all?

Realising someone would find him soon he got shakily to his feet and began the trek home. When he reached home it felt like all that had happened, good and bad, was a distant dream from the past.

***

"William Darling?!" Grell couldn't do a thing but stare in disbelief as Will ran off. Well actually he still had the ability to think about how sexy Will looked from behind, but figured that was it really an appropriate time to do so given the current situation. In fact for once in his life he felt like there wasn't a single useful (appropriate or inappropriate) thing he could do.

"Umm... did I miss something?" Ronald asked, a slight face of concern moulding over his original grin. The thought finally seemed to dawn on him that this was not a good situation.

"I don't know. Did I miss something?" Grell asked, still staring out the door at the street beyond. What had changed Will's mind all of a sudden?

"Hmm, then why...?"

"I don't know." Disbelief and confusion clouds Grell's mind and he's sure he looks a little like a lost puppy.

"Was it something you said, maybe?" Ronald tilts his head, examining the possibility.

"No you idiot! It was probably what you said!" He retorts. He follows this up with a sigh, before clambering back to his feet.

"Think it over... what could have possibly happened." Ronald said rather reasonably for someone with a major hang over. "I mean, some pretty embarrassing stuff went down. That thing about the tutu was hilarious!"

"That can't be it!" Grell said firmly as he ran the nights events over in his head.

"Yeah, it didn't exactly seem to bother him that much at the time." Ronald downed a glass of water before sinking into his very messy couch.

"That and it wasn't true." Grell pointed out, forgetting himself a little. "At least I don't think so." He corrected remembering that he wasn't really meant to know that Will had a much darker secret. Was that what was bothering him?

"Ugh, whatever my head hurts." Ronald moaned. Grell shrugged and walked over to the door.

"Never mind. I'm going home, see ya Ronnie." And with that he grabbed his high heels and trudged solemnly from the apartment. Part of him considered going to find Will. Everything had been so perfect for those few minutes last night that he wanted desperately to work out what he had done wrong and if there was anything he could do to fix it. And heck he would literally do anything!

"Will... I love you." He whispered staring up at the sky as if the breeze might carry his words to Will.