Trash I Write When I'm Sad II

im disgusting

I'm disgusting
I'm a slut
whore
fuck up
mistake
I'm terrible.

and I hate how I am.
I hate how when you ask me questions like that, I don't have answers
"why do you want to hurt them like that"
"why do you like hurting them"
and the only answer I have, is
"it's how I'm remembered"

but when I started liking him, I was at a loss
because he won't remember me
cause I can't bring myself to do anything to him
so if he does, how will he?
"she's the one I tricked"
or
"she's the girl I loved"
these two are drastically different, but I'm prepared.
and the more I hoe around, the more I realize I might not have it in me to have that relationship
because as my friend said,
"I could understand it, it's great. having all the love and benefits of a relationship, but not having any strings attached."
maybe I'm just afraid someday I'll get Tangled in the strings. that would be called 'commitment issues', wouldn't it? maybe I have that. ever since Takeshi I can't bring myself to date anyone for a long period of time.
see, I date them but I immediately get bored.
is there something wrong with me?

people should fear me. I fear people like me-
someone willing to take their slow time to make you fall for them, then breaking your heart in the cruelest way they can think.

and isn't that just terrifying?