Trash I Write When I'm Sad II

oops

I've started fantasizing about dying again
And I don't eat
My side's hurt
My stomach is sore
Because I neglect it
It's growl are like warnings
That if I start eating again
It'll make me pay

As I walk I bounce
And I hate that
I hate when people notice me too
Because that means they see me
And sometimes I don't even want to see me
So
Why would they?
I figure that they wouldn't
Which means I'm forcing them to see me
By being out in public
I guess that means I shouldn't leave the house
So I won't 
Instead I'll rot
And despise myself
In the comfort of my room

My room
Where the lights are always off
Because they hurt my eyes
Where it stinks
Because if spoiled drinks
Which I try to convince to quell my hunger
And where it's always freezing
To match my heart
Because it stops pumping every so often

And I hate typing this
Because I can see my nose
And I hate seeing my pale skin
And because I sound edgy and fragile
Or sad and attention seeking
But that's not the case

I'm not typing this for attention
I'm typing this because it makes more sense to read things then to feel them
If everything was textbook then I've be the next Leonardo
Because I would finally understand everything

Why the artists paint the sky blue
Why the moon controls the oceans
Why I'm so fucked up
And what's wrong with me
All I've ever wanted

Was a fucking answer
And I noticed I was getting bad again
At first
So I got a therapist
Hoping she would quell my worries

She didn't
And I'm only getting worse
I don't know what to do
I'm already breaking down
Because they're yelling at me

Because I don't eat
As if it's a choice a made
A button I pressed
No
I just like food
It feels like putty in my mouth
I can barely stomach it

I don't know what to do