Hart Hunter

Caught Up

Shawn wasn't sure why he was here. He knew he had no reason yet to shop at his particular location, but all the same this was where his feet had taken him. There was something about the tiny little outfits and adorable chairs that pulled him in. Shawn found himself absently walking through the aisles looking at every adorable decoration in turn. He knew he shouldn't buy anything, but some part of him was still hopeful. Probably the same part of him that refused to do anything with that empty room in their apartment.

As he browsed the store, Shawn decided it was time to really think about it. What if they couldn't have kids? What next? Shawn had already adopted one child. Would it be so crazy to adopt another one? As a kid who really needed a better home, Shawn perfectly understood the impact of such a thing on a child. If he could give a kid who was already in this world a better chance to thrive, wasn't that just as meaningful?

"May I help you with something?"

Shawn turned to see a sales associate addressing him.

"I'm just looking, thanks," Shawn replied.

"Well even if you are only browsing, maybe I can help," she continued. "Boy or girl?"

"Oh no, we're not pregnant yet," Shawn replied. "Just hopeful." She was still smiling in that professional way people did when they had to, but Shawn felt somehow like she was sorry for him. It made his stomach turn.

"Let me know if you need anything then," she said before disappearing behind the counter.

Then again, maybe he was imagining it? Letting his own feelings affect what he saw in others. Yes, that was probably it. With a deep sigh Shawn left the shop, heading in the direction of home.

As he walked in the front door, Shawn was about to call out to see if anyone else was home when he heard Maya shout in triumph and decided to follow the sound. As he approached, Riley's voice was added into the chatter. Turning a corner, Shawn saw them playing videos games together in the living room. For a moment he just watched them, smiling. Though he'd held Riley as an infant, it was Maya Shawn truly had fatherly love for. Even so he couldn't help but love both of those girls.

Shawn sensed someone walking behind him, but didn't turn. He closed his eyes as he felt his wife's arms encircle him from behind.

"Spying, I see?" Katy whispered.

"Admiring," Shawn corrected.

He hadn't intended to sound sad, but there must of been something off in his voice for she quickly asked, "What's wrong?"

"I've just been thinking," Shawn began.

"Oh?" Katy asked. "Dare I ask?"

"If we can't have one of our own," Shawn continued slowly. "Then maybe we should be there for someone what Jon was for me, or what I am for Maya. Let's give someone a home who really needs it."

"It's not quite as simple as that," Katy reminded him. Though her words were kind, Shawn sensed a 'no' in the tone of her voice.

"Nevermind then," Shawn said, easily giving up on the idea. He turned away slightly, trying to hide his expression.

"Oh no," Katy replied firmly. "Don't you turn away from me. We're having this out."

"Not in front of-" Shawn began, but she cut him off.

"Didn't we agree not to shelter her from our squabbles?" Katy remarked.

"We did," Shawn sighed. "Still doesn't feel right."

"Tough," Katy barked, though with a smile.

"We can hear you!" Maya's voice called from the living room.