A Risky Kind of Business

o2: "OH MY F*CKING PIZZA WHAT IS THAT THING?"

 Chapter Two:  "OH MY F*CKING PIZZA WHAT IS THAT THING?"

“You two don’t seem too happy to see me considering I’m saving your *sses.”  He mocked teasingly, rolling his bright blue eyes at our ‘deer-caught-in-headlights’ reactions.  I took my eyes off of the man’s familiar face and glanced over at Charlie, who didn’t look thrilled to see him.

“What the f*ck are you doing here, Cooper?!”  Charlie screamed, clearly shaken up by her brother’s sudden appearance on an abandoned highway.  I was shaken up also; what could this mean?  I hadn’t seen Cooper since Christmas, and I wasn’t supposed to see him again until next Thanksgiving.  See, Cooper was Charlie’s twin brother, and when Cooper was younger, he got himself into some deep sh*t.  I’m not going to go into details, but he burnt part of our elementary school down when he was in the sixth grade.  Which meant superbad publicity for The Weathers, which wasn’t acceptable.  To rectify the situation, Mr. Weathers sent Cooper off to a ridiculously expensive boarding school where he had been ever since.  It was sort of like a boot camp/army school that had an endless amount of strict rules - one of them being that the students are not allowed to leave the school’s campus except on major holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Even then, the boys only got to stay at home two days before being shipped back to the school.  So yeah, I was shocked to see Cooper.

“Charliepoo, is that any way to greet your favorite big brother?”  Cooper said, throwing his arms out and closing his eyes tight as if he was waiting to receive a hug.  When Charlie didn’t make any move to return his affections, Cooper cracked open one eye, as if to see if we were still there.  “No?”  He let his arms drop to his sides, “okay, it’s your loss little sis.”  

Charlie snorted at that.  “You’re only two minutes older than me!”

“Still, I came into this world 120 seconds before you, therefore you’re younger than me.”

“Wow, aren’t you a smartypants!  You finally learned addition, good for you big bro!”  Charlie’s retort held so much sarcasm, I choked on it.  I made a noise that somewhat resembled a cross between a dying goat and a congested old man’s sneeze after thirty years of smoking.  In fact, it was so loud and sickening that it made Charlie and Cooper stop their screaming match and stare at me like I had two heads.  

“What... the h*ll was that?”  Charlie questioned, emphasizing every word.  

I blushed, “uh..”  I paused.  “It was my impression of how you are acting right now but in noise form!”

Really, Mickey, I thought, that was the best you could come up with?

“She was really valedictorian?”  Cooper whispered to Charlie, making his voice loud so he knew I could hear it.

“Yeah, I don’t understand how she did it either.”  

“You think she secretly has superpowers, and she used mind control to get the spot?”  He asked.

“Nah, I was thinking she held a squirtgun to the principal's head and threatened to shoot him.  He’d probably melt, you know.  You missed out on the b*tchiest principal ever, he was a total wicked witch.”

“I still think she used mind control, that’s cooler.”

“It’s lame.  Who wants to control minds when you can shoot people with water?”

“Uh, just everybody else in the world.”

“Well I’m sure everyone else in the world wants to punch you--”