that, happened

chapter 3: cliff hanger

Not straight.

I laid in my bed as my hands pressed against the back of my head, my eyes blankly stared at the ceiling. This was exactly something I was afraid of. Right now, my mind is having a civil war of its own. One side wanted to prove that yongsun wasn't straight like she said she was, while the other side of me just kept on telling myself to give up and forget about it. Just when I was going to give in to the side that supported giving her up, the other side of my brain made up imageries of how happy her and I would be as the trophy lesbian couple. Imagine us, traveling around the world and she would always bring kimchi for the two of us. Imagine waking up next to her after our crazy sexual adventurous nights. I want that. I told myself, and I want that with her.

Later the day, I met up with my group members for a dinner at our usual spot. I arrived later but not last. I sat beside hyejin before ordering some food. The only one left was our leader.

"Where's yongsun?"

"I don't know. Probably with eric?" Wheein said as she chowed down on her food, "she hasn't been around as much since her relationship went public. They are all the media could focus on."

I nodded, showing an inscrutable expression.

"Honestly, I did not see that coming. Yongsun unnie is always so secretive with her life. Even from watching We Got Married with the two, I could not of seen those two together in real life. The chemistry just wasn't there." Hyejin said as she slurped on her soup. I chuckled, looking at her, agreeing.

Secrets. Yeah, it was true that me and yongsun had been closer while the hometown friends are inseparable. We kept a lot of stuff to ourselves and I wanted change that. "I have a secret to tell you two." The moment I said those words, the other two stared at me, putting their priority of food aside.

"What is it? Did you hook up with one of your fans? Are you finally dating too?" Wheein was quick to judge as she leaned her body against the table, eager to know what I was going to say.

I shook my head before taking a sip of water, preparing for the reaction I might get from my two crazy maknaes. "Last week, after we went our separate way from here. I went to yongsun's place. She got so drunk and then kissed me. I didn't stop her. Then when I confronted her the next day she said she didn't remember. But, I know that she felt something. So.. I kissed her, sober, after our university event and then she slapped me with the news of her dating eric nam."

It was as if I had dropped the biggest bomb on those two. They were dead silent with no response nor reaction for a good minute before I can hear wheein screaming on the top of her lungs. "What the hell? Were you two just going to keep it as a secret from me and hyejin?"

"You know, now you say that, I knew something fishy happened." The more mature maknae reacted much saner. "What now? You two okay?"

"Well, I think she's okay. I, on the other hand have been a ball of mess." I chuckled at that self-depreciating statement. "I mean sure, I favored her before any of this happened. We were always together. Did I ever think about us like that? Yeah. But, I slapped that thought out of my mind instantly whenever it popped up because I knew she was straight. Now, she was the one who made a move on me, my brain can't stop thinking about that possibility of her feeling like that towards me." I rambled on, watching my food arrive on my table but I had no intention of touching it just yet.

Wheein shook her head before looking at me dead in the eyes, "Wow, you just admit that you like yongsun more than hyejin and I. Are we that undesirable huh?"

And here I thought I would get honest advice from my two members. I rolled my eyes at wheein before slapping her with a reply, "yes. You are undesirable. I am being serious jung whee. I haven't been able to function without thinking about her and that day ever since. I am desperate for some guidance. Even if it is you two slapping me in the face and tell me to stop being delusional."