something new

Don't kiss and tell princess

( Nayas POV )

Heather turns to me immediately after that Ryan leaves she looks right at me with her puppy blue eyes and even though I'm looking right at her it's like I still can't see her. I'm too focused on what Ryan just told us. I don't even remember if I answered him because clearly my mind seems to be in a whole different universe then the rest of my body right now.

'' So, uhm should we like practice or something like that before we start shooting? ''

Even though I can clearly hear what Heather says I still can't answer her, it's like I just got completely paralysed. I see how Heather raises an eyebrow as she looks at me weird. Great now she thinks that I'm an idiot.

''Hey, are you okay? ''

And finally I get back to reality. And all the words are finally coming back to me. I let out a deep breath and smiles.

'' Yeah of course, I just got a little distracted, sorry. ''

I look down at the ground feeling so embarrassed, Heather most think that I'm the biggest idiot ever.

She starts laughing at me and now I'm even more ashamed. If this just would have been a year ago I would have just started laughing with her, or I wouldn't even feel embarrassed in the first place. But now things are so different and I've started to care so much about what Heather thinks of me at every second. I feel like I have to impress her all the time and I just can't make a fool of myself infront of her anymore because then she probably would think that I'm crazy. Before this I didn't think like this at all. Me and Heather could be so weird around each other and do whatever and just be ourselves. But now I can't manage to do that. I feel like I haven't been myself around her for so long. I've started wondering if she can tell that I haven't, that something's wrong.

'' It's okay, but I guess we should practice then? ''

She looks at me a bit nervously which only makes me even more nervous myself.

'' Yeah okay, sure. ''

My heart beats faster than ever before. In a few seconds I'm going to feel Heathers soft, sweet lips against my own. I've dreamt of this moment for so long but I never could've imagine that it would actually come true. Even if it isn't actually for real this feeling that I'm feeling right now couldn't feel more real.

She takes my hand and pulls me to her trailer. She opens the door and I gladly but nervously follows her in. She then close the door and locks it too. My heart beat so fast, it's a miracle that it doesn't show. I have so much trouble with breathing as Heather turns around and slowly gets closer to me.

'' Okay, so I guess we're just gonna do it then.''

I can tell on the sound of her voice that she's nervous too. Which makes me a little bit calmer to know I'm not the only one. She slowly gets even more close. This have to be a dream. I look into her beautiful eyes and sees them as they slowly closes and I slowly close my own.

She's just a few millimetres from me now and I can now start to feel her breath. My heart beats so fast that it feels like I'm gonna get a heart attack. And then I finally feel her soft lips touch mine. As my lips touch Heathers I feel her sharp intake of breath. Her lips tastes just like I had imagined. And for awhile the whole world disappears. My intire body feels like it's been ignited, I have never felt like this before. She brings her hand to my face, cupping my flushed cheeks, before both of her hands go to my hips.

I slowly opens my mouth a little more and carefully run my tongue against her lower lip asking for entrance. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I can't stop. And just suddenly I feel her as she lets me in. I can taste the faint hint of mint on her tongue as she opens her mouth and kisses me. Really kisses me. Her warm tongue runs along mine and I can feel cold metal of her lip ring on the corner of my mouth. If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up. This moment right now is so beautiful and just so perfect. I feel her take a deep intake of breath and then suddenly pull away. I open my eyes quickly and notice that she still has hers closed. I feel worried, what just happened? What did I do. I keep looking at her worried not knowing what to do or where to go right now. And finally she slowly open her eyes. She looks right into my eyes with a deep look and then down at my lips again.

'' Oh, uhm that was.. good. I think it was a bit more than needed though.. Maybe infront of the camera we should only go with just a peck?''

She bites her lower lip and looks at me. I'm feeling embarrassed. I just want to disappear. I look down at the ground and then up to her eyes again.

'' Yeah.. I think so too. ''

I try to laugh it off but this just got so wrong.

I have dreamt of this moment for so long, our first kiss. Even though I never imagined it would actually happen I still have dreamt of how I wanted it to be. And it's definitely not like this. I didn't want it to feel like it was a mistake. I wanted it to be something that we both wanted to do because we loved each other. You know something beautiful. Not like this.

I know that Heather doesn't love me, not like that. For her this was just something she had to do. But for me, it was a whole other story. For me it was kissing the love of my life for the first time. And now I will never get that back. I will never experience kissing the love of my life the first time in a way when we feel that we both love each other.

I don't know if I'm happy that I finally got to kiss her of if I'm disappointed because I know she doesn't have the same feelings back. However it happened, and I can't change that. Right now I don't think that I can ever be able to play her girlfriend. I just can't. It'll be too hard for me. It'll tear me apart.

'' Are you okay? ''

Heather looks at me worried and I feel like this is my only way out. What else can I do. I can't stay here anymore.

'' Uhm, I'm actually not feeling very well.. I think I have to go, I'm sorry.''

I open the door and storms out of the trailer. I just feel like I had to get out of there. I feel the tears burn in my eyes and I just want to get back home as fast as possible. I hear how Heather calls my name but I can't turn around. I'm too embarrassed and hurt. I get into my car and drives away as fast as I can. How could I let any of this happen. Now is everything in such a mess and Heather probably thinks that I'm the biggest idiot ever.