Esmerelda

Eight

"What is wrong?"

William's arm wrapped around my waist securely. His lips were near my ear, kissing it every so often as we talked. I could not sleep. Not at all.

After lunch Thorian disappeared. He did not come around for dinner, nor did his father. His bruises looked so awful...it made me sick to know that Sirus put his hands on Thorian. Then again I knew the way lycans were. They handled disputes with their fists.

I wondered if I could have turned that around...the Lycan way of handling things with blood, if I stayed. If he allowed me to stay.

"Please...tell me, Esmerelda."

William was so sweet.. He was ecstatic after I introduced him as my betrothed. He was in such a good mood that he let Esa and Rowena play in his hair and attempt to steal his sword many times. It was comical and adorable.

"It is nothing," I told him as his hands went to my hair. Stroking it gently. "I just...I wonder how life would be if Sirus would have let me stay...it bothered me all of these years...but now that I am here it aggravates me. I know I cannot change the past...I just wonder."

His hand continued to run through my hair soothingly as I waited for him to speak. Was he upset with what I had to say? "I wonder what life would be like if I could give my first wife a child...her smile was infectious, our child would have a beautiful smile...but then I think if we did not part ways...I would have never met you, Esmerelda."

If Sirus did not banish me...I would have never found myself in my kingdom. I would have never been the first independent female ruler. I would have not known William and his love...

The thought of not having this man by my side petrified me. I grabbed at his hand that was stroking my hair, and grasped unto it tightly. I brought his hand up to my cheek that was now wet with my own tears... If that woman looked past I minor fault....he would still be with her. Not me.

What would have happened to me? Without William I would probably have died..or ended my life from my despair. "Esmerelda...please do not cry. Do not sob and profess me your betrothed in the same day," he said gently while pulling his hand away.

He sat up and turned me so that I could be facing him. I could see him but my tears were making him seem hazy and blurry...and I hated when I cried this much that I could not even make an image clear...

"I...I do not know what I would do without...without you," I confessed to him as my tears began to overwhelm me once more. I clutched to him desperately, soaking his night shirt with my fears and worries, and what ifs.

After my bout of tears, he held me close to his chest...and I listened to his heartbeat as he hummed gently. "Esmerelda...if I let you go...you will not start crying again, will you?" He mused.

I scoffed, straightening myself up as I wiped under my eyes. He was referring to my younger self, when I first arrived back at my kingdom. I would sob like a child until I fell asleep in his arms. If he even made the slightest of movements...I would become terrified that he might leave and go into hysterics. I suppose I came a long way..

"I am fine, William," I sighed out, a small smile on my lips. "You saved me."

His smile faltered. "I did not save you, Esmerelda. Did I make you breathe each day? Did I eat for you? Make royal decrees, laws? I did none of that. Yes I helped you realize your worth to us, but if you did not see it you would have ended yourself a long time ago. You willed yourself to get better. Me or Edwin may have been driving forces for you, but we did nothing but encourage...you did the work."