rupture - l.s.

chapter 17

By the time he started walking around looking like a corpse, I realized something was wrong. The dark circles that formed under his eyes grew darker than ever and the smile on his lips faded like an old photograph.

I kept finding myself watching him all the time. Like a spy. Every time he caught me, silence was the order of the day. Normally there would have been a commentary, but he did not have the strength to open his mouth I guess.

Sometimes I wondered what it must be like to be Louis Tomlinson. Are you worrying about life as much as any other person? Or does everything disappear again after taking a drag from his beloved cigarette?

Is it planned to look everyone in the eye and transmit coldness? Or is it just the color of his iris, this incredibly bright blue that gives you goose bumps?

Every day, the questions piled up more and more, but there were never answers.

Sometimes you just have to wait for a stroke of fate until something happens. And that's what I'm going to do now. Wait.

-

"No, Niall. I do not want to drink alcohol today. '' I look my blond buddy in the eyes, which he rolls. ''Come on, Harry. You haven't been drinking for too long.'', he argues, and I shake my head, "Niall, you know how I think about alcohol.", I reply.

Louis always paid attention. Louis always thought about my grandpa that died of this poisonous juice. In my view, alcohol is not the definition of fun, no it's a drug. Drugs cause problems and problems are something I just can not handle right now.

"Harry, come on.", Niall says, holding out his cocktail for me to try. I take the cocktail and smile at it a little. My eyes scan the drink and a moment later pieces of glass are on the floor and Niall's feet are wet.

He looks at me in surprise, his eyes wide and his mouth open with shock.

"I hate alcohol.", I say and leave the party.

I quickly pull my jacket hood over my head as soon as I'm outside and run in the direction of nowhere. No destination, no station.

I simply let my thoughts circle and allow them to choose their own directions.

When I raise my eyes, I see the dark city in front of me. A couple of young girls enjoy themselves on the street and have their own music turned on loudly. The youngest of them looks like it does not want to be in this place. Oh, strange girl, how much you represent my young self.

I do not have to realize that my legs have become independent and have come to a halt. Because suddenly I hear a very familiar voice.

"Stop staring at the young girls, you pervert."

When I turn around, I look Louis in the eye. He seems to be surprised that behind the figure whose back he could just see, I'm actually hiding. I look at him and he lowers his eyes immediately.

"I'm sorry ..." he mumbles.

I'm sorry.

Words that I wanted to hear coming out of his mouth, but that wish never came true until now.

"It's alright," I say and he looks at me again, "what are you doing out so late?", he asks me. Since it seems like he really cares, I answer with the truth.

"I was the victim of a very bad entertainment event."

As I see his smile for the first time in ages, I wonder how it can be that I ended up at the bar right here and not somewhere else.

"Are not you cold? Do you want to come in? '', he suddenly asks. I furrow my eyebrow. Is he drunk?

Nevertheless, I nod and enter the bar. He closes the door behind me and I look at him.

Suddenly the light turns off in the whole street, which scares me a little bit. Louis immediately makes a soothing sound so I'm not upset.

 For a moment it feels like back then.

.

The flashlight lies on the ground in front of us and we both sit cross-legged.

Generally, this situation is funny, but I'm glad I ended up here in a power-failure rather than at home. At home I would have been alone, I would not have anyone with me who calms and protects me.

I look at Louis and realize that he hasn't been physically present at all the whole time. He stares at nothing and bites his lower lip until he draws a bit of blood. I decide to distract him a little bit.

''Louis?''.

He startles and turns his head to me.

"Why are you still here at this time of the night?", I ask curiously. He sighs and plays with his thumb, "I often come here at night and watch what's going on out there on the streets," he explains, watching the glass door behind me. "A thousand times more interesting than the constant arguments at home ..." he mumbles.

 I raise my eyebrow and do not even bother to ask why he shares such private things with me, despite our current situation. I'm interested in how I can encourage him and what's going on with him. 

"What? Arguments? '', I ask and look at him intensively. He nods and buries his face in his hands. "My parents think I'm throwing my life away. Since I dropped out of college...'' he explains. I widen my eyes. "You- ... you dropped out?", I ask. He nods and looks at me, removes his hands from his face and puts them on his knees. "I've noticed photography is a hobby , not something I want to do for a living. Do you understand? I want to photograph when I feel like it. I want to inspire myself and others too. But not while I'm under pressure to shoot certain photos as I should shoot them.".

I nod in understanding and press my lips together

"Isn't art something your own mind creates and your hands make and not something you saw and your hands imitate? ''.