needed you.

Missing You

I've been living my life normally, I'm alive and well...not exactly, without you here, I'm not feeling well. I miss you, I want to see you again. Hear your voice, touch your face, see your smile. I keep thinking about suicide just to see you again, but my mind would be scrambled and filled with regret.

I've already disappointed you, I don't want to do the same with Madara, or anyone else. I'm sorry, but I'll be there soon. I'm going to be killed or taken over, I just know it. I won't exactly be myself anymore. Heck, I was never myself in the first place. I don't know how to think anymore. You're breaking my mind again, I can't think properly. Do I want to kill myself and see you again? Or do I want to follow what I should do and make you wait? What am I thinking...? You're probably not even waiting for me, and even so, you'd probably be more disappointed then you probably were when I ran away leaving you to die. You'd hate me, no, you already hate me, you would just hate me more and I'll just get hurt.

I'm sorry if you're actually waiting for me, but I can't waste my life, my strength, everything I have just to see a dead person and talk to them again when they probably want me dead the whole time they knew me. I don't hate you. I don't want you to be hurt because I'm not wanting to be there with you.

Trust me, I do, I really do. But here's the thing, you probably don't even think about me the way I think about you, the way I see you, my urge to be with you, my urge to see you again in front of me, smiling. If I died in front of you by suicide, you'd just celebrate and explode my body with your art. No regrets, no tears shed, no sadness, nothing.

I'm sorry for my lack of hope in you, but like I said, I can't think properly. I should focus on what I need to do...

I'm sorry.

I just miss you.

A lot.