Bloody Fingers, Broken Mind

G H O S T

ghost: a slight trace or
vestige of something.

is that all you were?
just a mere silhouette in
the darkness of my mind?
were you once the body
that lied next to me at night?
or were you always just
the print of a figure in my sheets?

was your touch real upon my skin?
or was it just my cruel imagination?
were your eyes ever really warm when gazing into mine?
or had they always been as stone cold as they have grown to be now?
did you ever not see through me?

as i walk these empty hallways i can't help the reoccurring thoughts—
all these pictures adorning the walls—
all these old t shirts still hung up—
all these dusty mugs that were once used from what feels to be forever—
were you ever really here?

all of your abandoned belongings says you were but were you really?
it was astonishingly easy for you to leave all of this behind wasn't it?
was it even easier to leave me behind and shatter my wounded heart?
it was easy to take the glue too wasn't it my love?

i still cocoon myself within the same sheets where you once held me.
i still drink from the same mugs you once drank your coffee from.
i still wear the t shirts that are collecting dust but never losing your scent.

and while i am here trying to revive the past you are still loving her.
your fingers now trace her figure like they once did mine.
your arms now encircle her small warm body tighter than mine.
your cold eyes have now warmed to stare into hers.

and i know you love her.
i know you never did me.
and i know you're happy.
unlike when you were with me.
and i know she is your future.
unlike me who is your past.

was it really you who was the ghost?
or was it me all along?
was it really you who left?
or was it my heart that abandoned you first?

when i gaze at you i no longer see myself in your eyes.
i see her.
and maybe that's because she was there all along.
when you would stare at me you would look right through me.
you couldn't see me anymore.

and now i know why—