You Know The Night EDITING

Break

I've done things that I'm ashamed to admit. I know I'm strong, and you know I'm a good girl. You've raised me well and have given me everything could've possibly have.  But why do I continue to be so sad. Why am I such a fucking screw up when life has given me no worries.  I've had it good but I just can't find it in me to love life. It's like I'm made to be sad or have the worst feelings for life. I'm sorry, for being your daughter and not showing the world what I'm capable of. I fucked up so bad and I dont know what to do anymore. I need you, I need you here holding me and letting me know you support me and love me. I need to know that there's nothing I could do that would make you stop loving me. will I always be your sweet girl? Or will I be erased from your heart once you see the demons that hid within me? It sucks that I need reassurance, how fucking insecure can I be. I'm like a clingy girl asking if someone thinks she's pretty. Hoping someone else's worth fulfills my own. But in the end I lay on my bed with only dark thoughts and ideas that make me hate myself. Maybe all along I was born to fail , to crash and burn and put on a show for people to watch and laugh. To see the girl with a bright future die and become an  example to others with potential .

I'm the bum on the street, the one parents point to their children and say

' Do you want to end up like him?'

the child will say no. Looking down at the poor man who All along knew what was being said about him. But we never know their real story, how they lost their soul. They are people who didn't know their way out of the darkness and just lived there. Finding their comfort in anything that would make them feel alive. I am one of them. I'm sorry, mom. For I have failed in life and have become a useless body of wasted energy and breath. How do I continue to live.

                               Melody

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"But why?"

Savanna felt the lump in her throat. Her eyes watering as Mel's chin shook slightly.

How was Mel suppose to tell the girl that she was dead already. There was nothing left to give to the world but her life. It had taken her soul long ago.  Mel felt like a walking corpse.

"I just had enough, Sav. Can I call you that." Mel asked

"Its fine. " Savanna felt the words almost break as they left her mouth. She didn't know what to feel after that story. She didn't know how Mel had lasted that long without breaking. She seemed a lot tougher but one day she had her snap and broke down to the point where she didn't feel the need to live anymore.  Savanna knew how that feeling felt, she herself had battled the demons that ate you alive once your head touched the pillow. It was a never-ending,process and every day it felt like they were just waiting for you.

Melody gave the girl a fake smile hoping it would relax her a bit. Savanna had tensed up quite a bit through the story.

"My dad was very tough, a hard shell but he always made a point in saying he was only that way to protect us . And my mom was the softer, nurturing one who held us when we would fall off our bikes. We were always taken care of and after all that happened it just felt like shit. "

Savanna could see the turmoil that she had gone through. But didn't ever see the need to kill oneself.  Maybe it was just her not liking the idea of death and never living her life. Because just a much as Savanna complained and looked at the bad stuff in her life. she had a small glimpse of hope in her that one day her life would be better and payoff for what she seemed to be the struggle she dealt with day to day.

"So you decide yo kill yourself after everything ?"

Mel nodded and allows the words to take a bigger meaning. They were just words but words that struck her and made her throat dry up.