The Destroyed Girl

Chapter 22: Forget

RHEA'S POV
When everyone disappears to their rooms for the night, I find Newt at the control room. The berg is flying on a set course now, and everyone else is gone. Newt alone stands before the control panel, looking out the glass window at the view before us.

Acres of land spread out so small that it's barely visible. Land that has been brutally burned by the sun, the life on it stolen away.

I approach Newt from behind, and when I see that he's shaking slightly, tears streaming down his face, I wrap my arms around him from behind, resting my chin against his shoulder, since we're at just the right heights to make that work.

"Newt," I say softly, and I feel him take a shuddering breath against me.

He turns, and I draw back slightly to get a look at his face, frowning when I see how he's been crying for a while now.

My hands reach up, my fingers wiping the tears away as his hands come to rest against my waist. "What is it?" I ask softly, and he laughs slightly against me, though it sounds broken.

"I just-" he breaks off, eyes focusing on my face. "What happened to your scar?"

"They healed it," I say as he reaches up and traces the exact position of where it used to be, sending my heart hammering in my chest.

"It's still there," Newt says.

"It's still healing," I reply.

Newt sighs, letting out a rattling breath and leaning forward to kiss my forehead.

I pull away slightly to look at him, fear entangling in me. "You aren't mad? For all the lies I kept from you."

Newt frowns as if the idea itself is ridiculous. "Mad? At you? Of course not. I understand why you kept those secrets. I just don't understand why you couldn't trust me enough to tell me."

I shake my head slowly. "It's-it's not that I don't trust you, Newt. I just- I just wanted to forget."

"Forgetting is not always the answer," Newt says, pulling away totally taking a step back. I feel strangely empty without him near to me, and I watch as he swallows thickly, looking away from me. "Take it from someone who knows."

My breathing hitches. "What do you mean?"

"I was a bloody Crank for a while, Rhea," Newt admits, squeezing his eyes shut. "But I don't remember anything that happened."

My heart twists in my chest. "Newt, love, don't do that to yourself..."

"Everything's gone from memory," Newt goes on as if he never heard me. "Since when I left Tommy and all." Newt shakes his head, running a hand roughly through his hair. "I don't even know if I- what if-what if I..." His voice cracks. "What if I had killed someone?"

I take a step towards him, reaching for him. "You can't think like that, Newt. Don't."

"I can't help it," Newt says, hands shaking now. "I can barely sleep now because images keep appearing in my mind. They seem so real."

My hands take his, and I squeeze his hands, gently using one of our joint hands to tilt his chin up so that he meets my eyes. "Newt, that wasn't you. Trust me, Newt, you are a good person. The best. It's why I-"

I break off, only just managing to keep the words from stumbling out. I look away from Newt, a strange fear rising in me. Fear, mixed with an eagerness and excitement that's foreign to me.

"Why you what?" Newt's brows furrow as he looks down at me.

I take in a deep breath, and I decide, hell, I killed my mother, found a cure for a disease ravaging the world my entire life and I even managed to get out of all this crap alive. Telling Newt the next three words won't kill me.

"That's why I love you," I whisper, having for force myself to meet his gaze, prepared to receive rejection or whatever it is that comes next.

Newt draws back, eyes widening. The time it takes for him to say the next words seems infinite. I think my heart is going to just pound out of my chest.

"You... you love me?" He stammers.

"Yes. It's why I went back," I say, taking in a deep breath. "I did it for you. I couldn't let you..." I shake my head, and I just can't bring myself to say the rest.

Newt pulls me against him, and the next thing I know, his lips are against mine, and I can feel his fast heartbeat against mine as I lean into the kiss, as I feel his arm tighten around my waist and my hands entangle themselves in his hair.

"I love you," he murmurs against my lips. "Bloody hell, Rhea, I'm in love with you."