Divergent: Four

Chapter 12

Should I rewrite Insurgent in Four's POV? Comment if you want me too (:

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I shut down the computers for the night in the control room and open the door to walk back to my apartment. The rushing water from the chasm inches closer when I heard a scream. I knew who it was by the scream, Tris.
Another scream rang out and I run faster than I have ever ran in my life. Three bodies came into view, dressed in all black and is strangling a smaller body of a girl.
"STOP!!!" I yell over the noise of the chasm. They turn around with a surprise look in their face. Peter, Drew.... and Al.
They release Tris from their clutch and began to run away. Anger boils in me like never before and I run and double kick Drew in the face. Two of them ran away before I can do real damage.
Drew tears up and tries to punch me in the face but I dodge in time and did a fist punch to his back. He falls down screaming and my fist makes contact with his bloody face. He groans and I kick harder, anger flows out of me and into Drew. My eyes got darker and red from anger.
"You bitch," I shout, kicking him in the face. I bend down and grab his shirt and drag him up to my face. "If you EVER hurt Tris again, you'll wish I killed you already," I hiss and throw him back on the ground. "Understand?!"
Drew weakly nods and collapses on the ground.
"Four," I heard a weak voice call behind me. Relief floods over my body. I give Drew one more death stare and quickly pick up Tris. I pull her over the railing and into my chest, gathering her into my arms, easing an arm under her knees. She presses her face into my shoulder and I quietly carry her back into my room.
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I laid Tris down into my bed. I grab wet towels to wipe the blood from her face and pull over the blanket onto her small body.
I move toward the bathroom to clean my bloody knuckles. Some were my blood and some were from that bastard Drew. The water rushes into my skin and washes off the blood. I felt a stinging at the corner of my mouth and reach up to touch it. I pull back and blood is in it, Drew must have punch me there when I didn't notice. All I felt was anger. Nothing else. Even if he did punch me in the guts, I wouldn't have notice it.
The water turns off and I dry my hands with a towel. I turn off the bathroom light and get an ice pack from the refrigerator in the corner of my room. I walk toward Tris and our eyes met.
"Your hands," she croaks.
"My hands are none of your concern," I reply. I rest my knee in the mattress and lean over Tris, slipping the ice pack under her head. She reaches out to touch the cut on the side of my lip but stops, her hands hovering. She changes her mind and gently touches my mouth.
"Tris," I say. "I'm all right."
"Why were you there?" She asks, letting her hand drop to my disappoint.
"I was coming back from the control room. I heard a scream."
"What did you do to them?" Tris says.
"I deposited Drew at the infirmary a half hour ago," I say. "Peter and Al ran. Drew claimed they were just trying to scare you. Scare you my ass. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say."
"He's in bad shape?"
"He'll live," I say bitterly. The guilt of beating up an initiate rolls over me but goes away soon as it came. "In what condition, I can't say."
She squeezes my arm. "Good," she says, her voice sounds tight and fierce.
I crouch by the side of the bed, watching her. I pull my wrist free and rest my hand on the side if her face, my thumb skimming her cheekbone. Remembering when she held my hand a few days ago.
"I could report this," I say softly.
"No," she replies. "I don't want them to think I'm scared."
I nod. I move my thumb absently over her cheekbones, back and forth. "I figured you would say that."
"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?"
"I'll help you."
I grip her shoulder with one hand and hold her head steady with my other hand as she pushes herself up. It must of hurt because she's stifling a groan.
I hand her the ice pack. "You can let yourself be in pain," I say. "It's just me here."
She bites down her lip. There are tears on her face, I don't acknowledge it because Tris is a brave girl. Those are brave tears.
"I suggest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you from now on," I say.
"I thought I was," she says. Tris presses her hand to her forehead and rock slowly back and forth. "But Al..."
"He wanted you to the small, quiet girl from Abnegation," I say softly. "He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason."
She nods.
"The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real."
"You think I have to pretend to be vulnerable?" Tris asks, raising an eyebrow making her so adorable.
"Yes, I do." I take the ice pack from her, my finger purposely brushing hers, and hold it against her head myself. She puts her hand down, and I stand up.
"You're going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you," I add, "but you should let that bruise on your cheek show, and keep your head down."
"I don't think I can do that," she says hollowly, lifting her eyes to mine.
"You have to."
"I don't think you get it." Heat rises into her face. "They touched me."
My entire body tightens by her word. They touched her?!! "Touched you," I repeat, my eyes dark cold. I clench my hands around the ice bag. All of my sympathy for Drew is gone. Peter and Al are on my kill list, how dare they fucking touched her.
"Not.. in the way you're thinking." Tris clears her throat. "But... almost."
So they didn't rape her.
I stay quiet in my own thought.
"What is it?" Tris says, breaking the silence.
"I don't want to say this," I say. "But I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to he safe than right, for the time being. Understand?" Tris nods.
My eyebrows lower down to my eyes.
"But please, when you see an opportunity..." I press my hand against her soft cheek and tilt her head up so she can look straight at me. "Ruin them."
Tris laughs shakily. "You're a little scary, Four."
That name again. I like it but also don't like it. I like it because it takes away my real name, Tobias and my nightmares from Marcus but I dislike it because I want at least one person to know the real me. Not just the mysterious, quiet and mean Four. I want Tris to see the real me, Tobias.
"Do me a favor," I say, "and don't call me that."
"What should I call you, then?"
I think for a moment, battling against myself whether I should tell her my real name. "Nothing." I take my hand from her face. "Yet."
I'll tell her when the time is right.
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Tris didn't go back to the dorms that night. She slept on my bed while I slept on the floor. Though I wouldn't mind sleeping on the same bed with her, but that would be a little bit creepy and odd since I'm her instructor. I enjoy having someone near me who doesn't jump out of their skin when I look at them. Tris is one unique girl. I like that.
**
When I wake up the next morning, Tris is still asleep. Her peaceful face was like an angel from Heaven. She looks so relax like nothing happened to her. Her hair fans around her face and I manage to let out a smile. I was tempted to move the hair out of her face, she might think it is a loving move and things could get awkward.
Instead, I take a long hot shower, to let out all the stress and ache from my body. The water surrounds me like a blanket of rain and I let the raindrops fall down into my face. How will I tell Tris what my name is?
Just telling her would be too straight forward and no meaning at all. She wouldn't understand why I didn't keep my name. I want her to understand the reason for my name Four, and know my real name, Tobias.
Then a light bulb came up. I can take the initiates to the fear landscape and show them it. Soon or later they will know about it so why not now? When Tris sees it and I explain what it does, she can come with me to my fear landscape and figure out my real name and the reason why Four is my current name. She can see deep into my mind and understand me.
I turn off the water with a smile and grab my towel. I wipe the excess water off my hair and change back into my clothes. When I walk out, Tris is awake.
"Hi," she greets me, her voice unusually tight.
I touch her bruised cheek with my fingertips. "Not bad," I say. "How's your head?"
"Fine," she replies. Tris brushes her fingers over the bumps and winces.
My hands drop to her side. "And your side?" I ask, my voice low.
"Only hurts when I breathe."
I smile. "Not much you can do about that."
"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing."
I think I can trust Tris, I can be around her as a friend at least, not as a instructor when she's alone.
"Well. I would only go if there was cake," I joke.
She laughs and winces, covering my hand to steady her rib cage. I slide my hand back slowly, my fingers grazing her side.
I nod a bit and lead the way out. "I'll go out first," I say when we stand outside the dining hall. "See you soon, Tris."
I walk through the door, leaving Tris behind. I didn't want to leave Tris by herself, but I can't babysit her forever, Eric and the others will find out and kill me.
Zeke and Shauna waves in my direction and I wave back. I sit down next to Zeke.
"So did you hear about Drew?" Zeke ask with food in his mouth.
I look at him with disgust and nod. "I was the one who disfigured his sorry ass face."
Zeke spits out his food in surprise, hitting Lauren who was in front of him. She turns around and gives him the finger. Laughter escaped from my mouth and I slap Zeke behind his back.
"What the hell?" Zeke says, looking at me. "Why? What happened?"
"I saw Peter, Drew and Al harassing Tris near the chasm. They were about to throw her down the chasm if I wasn't there, I don't think I can live without her," I explain. "I beat up Drew
pretty badly, I would be surprised if he still has his nose."
Zeke opens his mouth to speak but the doors open to reveal a broken down Drew. Zeke turns to Drew's direction, and so did I. His face is swollen and purple. He has a split lip and a cut running through his eyebrow. He keeps his eyes down in the way to his table.
My mouth twitches up into a satisfied smile, that's what he gets when he messes with Tris. See him try again and I'll make his nightmares seem like a happy place.
Zeke leans close to my ear and whispers, "He looks like mashed potatoes."
I burst into laughter so loud the people around me turn to see what the racket was. Zeke joins in with me and Shauna is staring at us as if we were the crazy ones.
"Holy shit he does!" I say through laughter. "See, that could have been you if you pissed me off like that." I shoved Zeke in the shoulder.
I stop laughing and get up between the tables. Conversation abruptly ceases.
"Transfers. We're doing something different today," I say. "Follow me.
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I lead them out of the dining hall and along the paths that surround the Pit. We climb higher until I felt like I was going to barf. Heights scare the Dauntless out of me.
I turn around and walk backward a few steps, on a narrow path with no railing. I've been here a thousand times, practicing to conquer my fears.
Drew is trudging behind the back of the group and my humor starts to come into my head.
I eye Drew and say, "Pick up the pace, Drew." I smile mischievously until my eyes shift to Tris. Her arm is around Will. All humor drains from my body and jealously replaces it. I narrow my eyes and turn away.
We get closer and closer to the glass ceiling, the sun shines from above. I walk up a flight of metal stairs leading though a hole in the ceiling.
We walk across the glass through a cylindrical room with glass walls. The Dauntless mill around the glass room, talking in clusters. I lead the group through another door. Beyond it is a huge, dank space with graffitied walls and exposed pipes.
"This," I say, "is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it will be like the next time you see it."
I pause and take a quick glance at Tris and continue.
"Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it," I pause to catch my breath and add, "The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have. I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation."
I said that on the first day of training the initiates, right before I held a gun to Peter's head. Now I regret not pulling the trigger.
"That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body- to combine the physical abilities to you learned in stage one with emotional mystery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head." I scan the crowd of initiates and land my eyes on Tris. "Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is heaviest of all. Understood?"
They all nod.
"You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a dear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." I shrug. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."
"That doesn't sound fair," Peter speaks up from the group. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."
I stare at him for a second and laugh. This bastard really pisses me off. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?"
I walk toward him and the crowd of initiates parts to make way for me. I fold my arms and say in a deadly voice that makes people scared of me. "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward."
Peter stares back, emotionless.
"So now we all know," I say, quietly, "that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation." My mouth curls into a smile.
Behind me I can hear Christina laughing and a couple of initiates too. I'm their instructor, mess with me and you receive the ultimate price.
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Noises and voices of people woke me up from my sleep. They were outside, making such a big racket as if someone died. There must be big enough excuse for the Dauntless to wake up and wander through the halls to make these loud noises.
I groan and sat up, throwing on my clothes before walking out the door.
Lynn passes me and I reach out to touch her shoulder. "What's going on?" I ask.
"Al jumped down into the chasm and now he's dead," Lynn says and continue going down the hallway.
My mind suddenly thinks of Tris, she must be devastated right now. She must have said something so mean to Al that he decided to end his own life.
I walk down to the Pit to see Eric giving a speech.
"...to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not choose a life to ease when he became Dauntless. And the truth of it is.." Eric smiles. "The truth is, Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into vicious waters to get there. Who among us is bebe enough to venture into the darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest!"
A cry rises from the center of the group, and a whoop. I don't believe anything that comes out of that douche bag's mouth. Just jumping into the chasm and ending your life is bravery? It wasn't, Al ended his life because he was miserable and a coward for hurting Tris. It had nothing to do with bravery.
I hid behind the darkness of the cave, I don't want anyone to see me. I hear someone coming toward my way and my body tenses. It was Tris, my body relaxes.
"Tris," I call out.
She turns around. "What are you doing here?" Tris asks. "Shouldn't you be paying your respects?"
"Shouldn't you?" I say. I step closer toward her.
"Can't pay respect when you don't have any," she replies and shakes her head. "I didn't mean that."
"Ah." I don't believe her at all.
"This is ridiculous," she says. "He throws himself off a ledge and Eric's calling it brave? Eric, who tried to have you throw knives at Al's head?"
I smile at her words, someone is on my side.
"He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"
"What do you want then to do?" I say. "Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late."
"It's not about Al," she snaps. "It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees hurling themselves into the chasm as a viable option. I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterward? Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's... I can't..." She shakes her head. "This would have never have happened in Abnegation! None of it! Never. This place warped him and ruined him, and I don't care if saying that makes me a Stiff, I don't care, I don't care!"
Tris must be careful with her words, if she speaks this out with anybody in Dauntless, she'll be dead. Tris can't trust anyone, even her friends. Being Divergent is like you're already dead.
I shift my eyes to the wall above the drinking fountain. "Careful, Tris," I say, still staring at the wall.
"Is that all you can say?" Tris demands, scowling at me. "That I should be careful? That's it?"
Damn it, she's too honest. "You're as bad as Candor, you know that?" I grab her arm and drag her away from the drinking fountain. My face leans close to hers. "I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully." I set my hands on her shoulders. "They are watching you. You, in particular."
"Let go of me," she says weakly.
My fingers spring apart and I straighten up.
"Are they watching you, too?" She says, so quietly I couldn't hear her.
"I keep trying to help you," I say, "but you refuse to be helped."
"Oh, right. Your help," she mocks me. "Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else, it sure is helpful."
"Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you," I snap. "I was reminding you that if you failed, someone else would have to take your place."
"Why?"
"Because you're from Abnegation," I say, "and it's when you're acting selflessly that you are at your bravest. If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away," I add, "because if the wrong people discover it... well, it won't be good for you."
"Why? Why do they care about my intentions?"
"Intentions are the only thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way They want you to think a certain way. So you're easy to understand. So you won't pose a threat to them." I press a hand to the wall next to her head and lean into it.
"I don't understand," Tris says, "why they care what I think, as long as I'm acting how they want me to.
"You're actin how they want you to now," I say, "but what happens when your Abnegation-wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?"
"I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that?" She snaps. "I'm not weak, you know. I can do this on my own."
My heart stings at her words and I shake my head. "You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you're wrong." I lean my face closer to hers and wrap my fingers around her chin. "My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press," I say, my fingers squeezing at the word "break.
My eyes lift to hers, and I add, "But I resist it."
"Why..." she swallows hard. "Why is that your first instinct?"
"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating." I release her but didn't pull away. My hand grazing her jaw and neck without my control, it feels natural. "Sometimes I just... want to see it again. Want to see you awake."
She sets her small hands on my waist and my breath was taken away. Tris pulls herself against my chest, wrapping her arms around me.
After a moment, I touch her back, pressing her closer and smooth my other hand over her soft hair. I have never been this way with anyone ever, not even Zeke or Shauna. This was a whole new level of feelings for me and I can't wait to see what it is.
"Should I be crying?" Tris ask, her voice muffled by my shirt. "Is there something wrong with me?"
I don't reassure her, she doesn't need reassuring, it'll only make her think she's small and helpless. So instead I say quietly, "You think I know anything about tears?"
Tris presses her forehead to my shoulder. "If I had forgiven him," she says, "do you think he would be alive now?"
"I don't know," I reply honestly. I press my hand to her cheek and she turns her face into it, her eyes closed.
"I feel like it's my fault."
"It isn't your fault," I say, touching my forehead to hers.
"But I should have. I should have forgiven him."
"Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done," I say, "but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."
She pulls back and looks at me in the eye. "What faction did you come from, Four?
Not yet. "It doesn't matter," I say, lowering my eyes. "This is where I am now. Something you would do well to remember for yourself."
I give her a conflicted look and kiss her on the forehead, right between her eyebrows. She doesn't move, neither did I. Her hands on my waist, my mouth on her forehead. We stayed that way for a long time.