friend. what is your definition?
my definition is a person who genuinely cares about me. who will be there during the hardest times - and even for the smallest worries. sure there are other important traits too, like trust and blah.. but that's not what i'm talking about today.
i like to think of myself as a good, caring friend. it seems there aren't many of those people anymore, or is that just my friend group?
i don't know if it's just me - but nobody from school seems to give a damn about me.
hi sorry if you're from my school and are reading this - this doesn't go out for every single one of you.. but most perhaps.. yes.
imma shout out one ,, cassandra this is for YOU!
oh my god cassandra literally saved my life this year. i'm not going to get into detail like a story should, but i'll leave it at this.
i told her something that happened to me years ago. it just suddenly started bothering me for some reason.. i'm guessing because we had a presentation about it and it made me remember. aLSO because of thirteen reasons why (i love you boo) so anyways.
i had a huge panic attack in the bathroom before 1st period. i could feel it happening so i ran in and went into a stall. before i went into the stall i noticed that cassandra's stuff was out there so she must have been in there too. i quickly texted her with my shaking fingers and she answered. i went out and she asked if i was okay. boy i never hear that question. nobody seems to ask if i'm ever okay, even when i'm obviously not. i told her no and started having a melt down, and i'll never forget this. she just let me hug her, for minutes and minutes, it felt like years but it was very much needed. she helped me calm down, not caring that she might be late for her first class. i felt like a such an annoyance but she constantly reminded me that i wasn't.
i know i'm never going to forget that day because it meant so much to me that she was there. now i suffer from severe depression, social anxiety, and bipolar disorder. ahh all those great, healthy things right?
most people end up leaving me because of that, they find me annoying or what not.
i'm surprised some of the friends i have now haven't left yet, but honestly it feels like they have. sure they'll hang out with me and talk with me, but when i really need them, where are they? nowhere to be found. so to me, they have left.
there have been so many times this year i needed somebody and nobody cared enough to make a move. i would tell some of my friends how i was feeling and they would blow it off by saying:
"that's a dumb reason to be sad."
"get over it."
"it'll be fine."
"seriously?"
oh and my favorite: COMPLETELY IGNORING ME
you know i'm sad so you go off with other people and ignore me.
bro when i see my friends are sad i can't just let that go, i need to go by and help. i feel awful if i dont. i guess that's just me though.
LESSON FOR TODAY: be a good, supportive, caring friend. your friends for a reason, and they need you to be there for them. thanks, bye
