This is me.

Anxiety

"It's all my fault, it always is."

I think, as my hands start to shake and as I forget to breathe.

I switch off my phone and lie motionlessly on the bed. 

I walk around, and drink a bottle full of water without a pause, without me paying attention. 

I pace back and forth, messing with my hair and feeling like I want to throw up. 

the nauseous feeling becomes more and more. 

I can't close my eyes because I feel my fears come before my eyes. 

I try to steady my breath a little and start to do my work. 

I muster the courage to switch on my phone and watch it boot.

The various colors, swirling around

and finally forming a recognizable shape. 

I stare at my laptop screen and hear my phone vibrate. 

It is like the flick of a switch. 

The feeling to throw up subsides, and the urge is replaced with tears of relief. 

I sit down and look at the legs of my table. 

One of them is kind of broken and...is it rusty? If it is rusty, I should tell my mom. 

No, it isn't rusty. What am I doing here, on the floor?

 Don't I have a lot of things to do?