This is me.

Drain

I can never be consistent.

consistently bubbly, full of life,

happy?

It takes all my energy to act normal. 

Like a cup, when my quota of fun and enjoyment is filled, 

I become tired, smiles replaced by deadpan stares. 

A terrible way to end a great day. 

I just want to lie down and stare at the wall. 

Disappointed at how she must have felt, 

when I stopped laughing at funny videos,

when I stopped looking her in the eye.

I told her, she said it was okay, that she understood.

That it happens to her too, sometimes

But I just wish it wouldn't be this way.

How is it to not have constant anxiety plaguing your thought so much that you even see yourself differently?

I don't know

and I don't think I ever will. 

If you read this,

I'm so sorry that I acted this way

 but 

Thank you for giving me those three hours of much needed happiness.