american dream || pulisic

twenty-nine

"How are you?"

"Pretty tired and miserable, you?"

"Same."

Ellie hadn't really changed at all. For the most part, she looked the same, apartment was the same, fashion sense was the same. Everything was the same except for her.

She looked dimmer than usual, the fire in her heart no longer there, and Christian questions whether there was a fire in the first place or if it was just the nostalgia.

But if one thing's for sure, Ellie still loves watching the same movies. Captain America: Civil War. She had watched Spider-Man: Homecoming way too many times lately, she needed to spice things up. And she had ordered Hawaiian food to her door, a mixed plate sitting on her lap while she sat on her couch, not giving a single damn in the world. Surprisingly, Ellie had offered him some food, let him sit on the couch and relax, let some tension out.

"Do you just randomly have these movies at all times?" he asked, mouth full of pork. "DVDs?"

She shook her head. "Netflix, doofus. It's 2018."

"Uh...yeah. Yeah." Christian finds it quite difficult to strike up an actual conversation with her that isn't just mumbles and simple answers, and he hates it. He liked talking to her about stupid things, geeking out about the latest Marvel movies or memes, he liked seeing her smile and laugh like her life was best thing ever.

It was weird not seeing her smile as much, especially with one of her favorite movies on the television and a lot of food in her hands. I mean, Christian always sensed it was because of him, but when he thought about it, she was kind of like this in the weeks leading up to their breakup.

He doesn't know how to explain it, because quite frankly, he's never felt his kind of hurt before. Was Ellie in need of him when he least expected it? When he didn't bother to check up on her?

God, now that makes everything worse.

"So, uh—" He cleared his throat. "Are you...are you doing good?"

"I don't know Christian, I poured my heart out to my boyfriend, and he broke up with me."

Ouch.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, eyes looking down at the ground.

"Yeah," she breathed, not even glancing at him. "Is that why you're here?"

He nodded in shame, not being able to look up and enjoy the movie alongside with her. Instead, he chose to silently suffer. "You know, I'm...I'm really sorry. First of all, for the way I broke up with you. Over the phone. While you were celebrating a win."

"That was a pretty douchebag move."

"Yeah, it was. And second, I didn't realize that it was me who was primarily the problem because I was so into this long distance thing until I became unwilling to do it. I'm a coward and a big fat jerk, and I needed Felix to educate me on how to actually maintain a relationship. Yeah—Felix!" he emphasized, raising his voice a little higher just to make sure Ellie knew how big of an idiot he was. He needed Felix to educate him. Out of all people! Felix—the same guy who thought the Walking Dead was based on a true story.

Ellie snickered a bit, the corners of her lips curling just a little. "You know Felix really isn't that dumb, right?"

"Well—" He thought about it for a second before giving in and shaking his head in agreement. "Yeah, he's smart...kind of, but he knows a lot about relationships, and he told me that if I really wanted this, I would have put everything I had into this." He saw the smile disappear from her lips, and he knew she was back to being disappointed, let down.