Live in the Moment - Lashton

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

-

Luke searched each and every cupboard for something that he could give his son for lunch, something that Ashton said would be beneficial to his health and all in all normal. But this was his house and there was nothing normal to give his son.

There may have been six cupboards but only one of them contained food and that was hardly full, which was likewise for the fridge, and Luke refused to buy frozen foods.

After much contemplation, Luke went into a drawer and pulled out an envelope, he also got his wallet and slipped some coins in there which would amount to what a school dinner would cost. Luke thought that if he could not see or know what the school was giving his son, then it would be easier for him to handle and process. After scribbling down his son's name and class, Luke left it on the side and pushed his hair back out his face. All he did was put some money and write on an envelope, but he felt as stressed as ever.

Luke slowly climbed the stairs, using the bannister to help hoist him up. He walked straight across the hall and into the bathroom which was faintly lit by the rising sun seeping through the ajar window. The blonde didn't want to turn on the light, it would not only cause the fan to make noise, causing his son to stir, but it revealed too much.

The blonde slipped his shirt off and stood in front of the full-length mirror, his pyjama bottoms hanging from his waist. His skin was thin and stretched tightly over bones. They were prominent, but Luke didn't see that. His eyes focused on the tiny layer of cellulite that covered his stomach, that hid all the nasty and unnatural foods that he once consumed. Since he had drunk the vodka three days ago, Luke had eaten only a banana. He could not stop seeing the transparent, corrosive substance float around in his stomach, trying so hard to escape and to cause him to bloat.

Luke wiped his eyes and sighed, he understood that the way he thought was insane, almost borderline crazy but he didn't know what to do. He didn't want help. He didn't want to eat or talk about what his mind went through. He just wanted to be happy, and when he was with Theo he could be. And he thought this might be the case with Ashton too.

Slipping his shirt back on, Luke decided to climb into bed with his son for a couple of minutes before it was time for him to wake up. He wrapped his arms around the small boy and planted kisses on his head. Theo stirred and made small groans. His eyes flickered open and he looked up at his father lovingly, cuddling into his chest.

"Dad," he whispered quietly. "You're crying." Luke had not realised that there were tears falling, and landing on his son's face.

"Sorry," he whispered, quickly wiping them away and embracing his son firmly.

"What's wrong? Have I done something wrong?" the six-year-old asked, beginning to sit up slightly worried.

"No," Luke laughed, grabbing the boy from under his armpits and hoisting him up. "You're an angel like always. I've left some money on the side for you to give to reception for school dinners." His voice broke as he finished the sentence. He knew what school dinners were like from when he was younger, they weren't pure and he was sure it would torment his son.

"Really?" Theo beamed excited, he had always wanted to have dinner at school, but his father always said no. Why did he need food from school when there was stuff at home.

"Yeah," Luke agreed sadly. "But, just remember where that food came from, and whether it is healthy or not okay? And if you don't want to eat it, don't. I won't be angry."

"Will you be angry if I do eat it?" Theo frowned looking at his father who he could tell was in a state of panic. Luke shook his head. How could he be angry when he was permitting it, he would just be scared. Theo smiled and cuddled back into his father's chest. He was excited. A school dinner for him was like a trip to Disney for another.

-

Ashton had not heard from Luke after they departed on Saturday, and for the remaining weekend prayed that Luke would not change his mind so he could truly help Theo.

Therefore, he was shocked when he saw Theo grinning as he queued up in the lunch line to get school dinners. Ashton himself could not stop smiling at the fact Luke had given in to this, he knew whatever the blonde-haired man was going through could not be easy. And this seemed like a huge leap.

When Theo had sat down and was beginning to eat his meal, Ashton crouched beside him and asked him how he was feeling. Theo told him he was excited that he could be like everyone else.

Ashton felt his heart pang a little at the fact Theo felt this way, that his father's habits restricted him from fitting in. And it wasn't long until the young boy at putting his cutlery down, leaving over half of the small meal.

"Are you going to try and eat a little more?" Ashton pushed hopefully, most of the children were already finishing.

Theo shook his head. "My belly hurts," he complained. "I have never eaten this much before."

Ashton nodded in acceptance and walked away to speak to the other children. He didn't know whether Luke was going give his son proper food at home or if he had to rely on lunches which would be fine for the time being whilst his son got used to eating, but would still not be sufficient enough as he grows older and healthier.

-

As soon as Luke saw his son bouncing happily towards him after school, full of energy, he knew he had done the right thing.

Theo leapt into his arms and Luke hoisted him up onto his waist. Theo began to explain to Luke excitedly about what he had eaten and how he really enjoyed it.

"I didn't eat it all though, I'm sorry there was a lot and I am really full!" Luke smiled sadly at his son, he knew the feeling of eating food after being starved for months. It wasn't pleasant and he never wanted to experience it again.

And as the pair walked home Luke began to realise what was in his son's body, what could be destroying his organs, ready to take him away from him. And every time he would hear his son complain about being full, Luke felt that he had assisted in killing his son.

The blonde whimpered slightly, before shaking his head back to reality. Theo wasn't going to eat tomorrow. Or anything that he didn't give him again.

-

I really hope this book is touching on some social issues in regard to weight I know the method of thinking is a bit bizarre but please bear with it will all be explained.

I also just want to put a trigger warning, which I think I forgot to include at the beginning of this book, but please if you ever struggle reading this, please do not read it. Your health in one million times important than wasting your time reading this silly book. I am a depressive writer and I know this can be heavy going so take your time or read some comedy, I don't know! But, never compare yourself to anything, take everything slow and just try to be happy with yourself.

Even if you don't have an eating disorder, a lot of people struggle with how they look and the main step is to love yourself, which is hard because really, you want other people to love you. But, once you take that step into being independent and unique you feel that difference.

Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk, I will make time to talk.

Thank you so much for reading.