Vanished!

Chapter 5 - Life Must Go On

I really wanted to run to momma when I saw her coming down the ramp. She embraced me warmly with Liam stuck between us. She patted my back and I held back the tears. I could smell her lilac water fragrance perfume that I remembered from my childhood.

Momma took Liam from me and held him up. Yep, this is a LaSalle all right. Your nose, Cade's eyes and Beau LaSalle's ears. I put the baby in the carrier that was in the baby bag and we all walked slowly to the baggage claim area.

I told momma everything that I knew about Liam, Sonja and her disappearance. Momma said that it was important to make sure that my son felt safe immediately. "Usually we don't want to hold babies a lot because they get use to it and want to be held all the time. In this case though, we want him to feel as secure as possible."

While we were sitting in the waiting room, momma talked a mile a minute as Liam seemed entranced by her every word. "Turn him around son." "Well, okay." She put her finger up to her mouth and then she started talking. Liam suddenly started crying. "Say something Chris to let him know even though he can't see you you're still there. We'll do that four or five times an hour while he's awake and tomorrow we'll do it the other way with me disappearing and reappearing. He needs to know that we are here to stay and will come back unlike his nanny who is gone forever."

We talked all the way to the condo. Momma thought she would be more comfortable living in the city. While that surprised me because I knew she loved the country, she didn't want to be isolated with a young child and also thought it would be good for Liam and I to be close together so I could run home if it was necessary. It didn't matter to me 'cause where ever we went I was going to have to drag that damn gun closet with me.

King knew a realtor and called him. He had just viewed a home and the owner was coming in to list it that afternoon. I met the guy at house after we left the hospital. Momma thought it was perfect. I was a little concerned that all the bedrooms were on the first floor but I was comforted by the fact that there was a fence on all sides. I converted the ground floor sunroom into a fourth bedroom with its own bath and had to a security firm in to install a system while the contractor was also painting the unit and sanding the floors.

We were able to move in about three weeks later. This was another time that the LaSalle money came in handy. Momma put 50% down in cash. I think that I had pushed it with Gregorio. She didn't get one night's full sleep during the three weeks.

Liam's room was on the north side of the house so I had his room painted a light yellow. The social worker was very helpful as I decorated his bedroom. She suggested that I have an overabundance of photos of Sonja with him and hung them closer to the floor where he could see them at his eye level. Brody and King had photos of Sonja and me from her NCIS days.

Every day we walked around the house looking at some of his mother's pictures with one of us talking about her. No one will ever know how hard it was for me. While I refused to live in fear, my heart yearned to see her face and hear her voice again. The not knowing was grueling for us all. Skyping with her mother was difficult as well. She said "Liam actually looked like a miniature Sonja." Grandma thought he smiled like her too. Of course since she had raised Sonja, she could see how his mannerism matched her. Sonja's sister sent me some photos of them when they were children. Once I saw the pictures I could see the resemblance too.

I was so happy that we were able to bond so quickly. I held on to him tightly. A month later momma saw me one day and said "Christopher, I know you love him, but you're smothering him. Put him down so he can skirt the furniture and crawl under stuff" Unfortunately there would be days where I had to work 12-16 hours but I would always find a few minutes to call him on the link and talk to him. He would cling to me for a day or two after those long duty days like he was trying to make sure that I didn't vanish out of his life too.

My new family quickly stabilized. The honorary aunts and uncles helped to make the house feel like a home. The other downside outside of worrying about Sonja 24/7 was that the woman that I was seeing walked away from the whole situation. Tammy had witnessed her watching Liam and I the third day he was there as I was trying to comfort him about his missing mother and him missing her. Tammy said there was not a doubt that the words coming out of my mouth were full of love for Sonja. "No woman could compete with that LaSalle" she said. "I witnessed scenes just like that when I was in the Navy. You are living the role of parent while your spouse is deployed." Not having served in the military, I didn't really understand.

Several weeks later I ran into this old WAC officer who had worked with soldiers and their families during the first Gulf war. Liam had dropped a block and as she gave it back to him she assumed that I was military myself because of my close cut hair. "No ma'am" I said. "Call me Cheryl" she said. "His mother is missing and I'm going it alone right now until she's comes home." I knew she wanted to ask more but simply said that she use to work with military families and had learned how difficult deployments were on spouses. She asked if I minded if she prayed with us. I was touched at the tears that she had and the words of love and concern that she expressed. I allowed her to hug me actually relishing that I had found someone who really understood what I was going through rather than just saying words and being embarrassed by having to say them.

She gave me her business card after writing her home number on it. "Call me if you want to talk" I had that look of doubt in my face that this stranger was sincere. "No, I'm serious" she said as she must have read the doubt on my face. "Call me day or night." The first time I called her I felt that I was imposing but she was just as gracious as the first time that we spoke. She met momma and Liam for lunch several times and stopped by the office to meet the team. It was only months later that I found out that she met privately with King and Tammy helping them with information that the military uses to support families of deployed personnel.

Momma got Cheryl's own story out of her one day. Her uncle had disappeared on the battlefield in Korea and they never recovered his body. Momma said she got teary eyed talking about how terrible it must have been for her grandmother to send her son off to war and for him to never come back not even in a coffin. Another cousin hung himself two years after returning from 'Nam. The family was worried sick when they found out he had been lost in the bush evading the 'V.C.' for over a week. Fortunately his squad made it back to American held territory but the demons of war followed him home and he committed suicide.

Our household turned into a routine. I would swing by the house some days for a quick lunch with my son. A couple of times Tammy surprised me and stopped by to get Liam and momma and we would have lunch on the patio or upstairs in the conference room. Liam enjoyed coming to the office or rather I should say the attention of being around my team mates. We were all surprised one day when he saw a picture of our old team and responded 'momma' when Tammy pointed to Sonja.

Planning Liam's birthday celebration was as painful as it was happy. I worried about Sonja every hour of the day. The government was tight lipped and told us nothing about a search or about suspicions if she was dead or alive.

I made sure that there were plenty of photos and recordings of the party. Like all one year olds, Liam had cake all over himself and his face. A few days later Tammy brought in Liam's baby book updated with photos and comments covering his entire first year of life. She had reproduced many photos of Liam and Sonja and typed up quotes from Sonja in great 'fonts'.

That was a bad day for me. When I started crying, she said how bad she felt. "No Tammy it doesn't hurt, it's comforting to know that I have this wonderful gift of a child from Sonja. When they find her, I'll be able to share your kindness with her. You've been such a wonderful friend Tammy. Thank you so much" and I hugged her tightly.