ADMIRE ME |Brothers Conflict

06

My fingers were trembling on my lap, irking me. The swiftly changing surroundings couldn't distract me from mulling over the consequences of what I was doing. With furrowed brows, I kept grazing my bag in which I kept the ticket with my fingertips.

Exhaling deeply, I rested a cheek against the stained window, staring at the fields that stretched to the mountains, which were a grey shadow against the horizon. The cars on the highway reflected the sunlight, making it look like a lint of molten silver was arranged around the mountains. Although it was a breathtaking sight, I couldn't appreciate the beauty of the landscape, my mind too occupied with the concert and carsickness.

Behind me, a small group of fangirls were cheering and eating snacks, the stench of their treats the cause of my carsickness. I wrinkled my nose in disgust, watching my reflection in the window do the same.

There was no way in which I could hide having gone to the concert from my dad – and I was sure that he would be worried sick by the time I got home. However, I knew this I would regret not going more than going in spite of the consequences. Thus, I was willing to suffer the consequences, regardless of what these would turn out to be.

Sighing, I slumped deeper in my seat, resting my head against the headrest. In ten minutes, I would arrive at the station in Osaka, where I would have to take the bus to the concert hall.

Hopefully, the fangirls knew the way to the concert hall, because I hadn't had the time to check anything. Nervously, I opened my bag to check for the sixth time whether my ticket was still there.

Seeing the slip of pink paper was a relief, but even that relief didn't calm my nerves. My anxiety was born from uncertainty; uncertainty about breaking the rules and my last confrontation with Fuuto.

Although I held my head turned to the window, I didn't see the mountain ranges anymore, my eyes on the memories replaying in my mind, rather than my surroundings.

The train approached the station one block away from my house, which was only one stop from the school building. A fifteen-minute-walk at most, but I had never tried to walk to school.

Worrying my bottom lip between my teeth, I stared at the rail map on the ceiling of the train car. If I didn't disembark when we reached the next stop, I would eventually end up at the central station. There, I could board a bullet train to Osaka with my rail pass. Since my annual abonnement didn't include rides with the bullet trains, this trip would be an expensive one.

My father's trust in me, however, was far more valuable than the train fare. Still, I didn't budge when the train slowed abruptly to come to a complete stop. Even when people filled out of the train and new passengers stepped inside the car, I didn't lift to my feet. In a split second, I had decided to go, my mouth set in a determined line as I looked at my reflection in the windows.

[H/L] [H/C] hair and [E/C] eyes. By all means; I was just a female high school student. What did Fuuto think about me? Most likely, I was a nuisance in his eyes, a bothersome addition to his sister's small collection of friends – one that couldn't be trusted.

In his eyes, I was just another girl who was crazy about him: equal parts replaceable, boring, and annoying.

In that aspect, I hadn't disappointed him, my admiration for Asakura Fuuto obvious. However, he hadn't expected that last remark, the shock on his face almost comical.

I'm a fan of Asakura Fuuto, but Asahina Fuuto is no one to me.

I knew that I had been unnecessarily cruel – still, I found it surprising that I had managed to hit Fuuto with a verbal attack.