𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 38

•••

"Fuck," I grumbled, struggling to open my eyes.

   I had fallen asleep on the sofa, like the three previous nights. I was still alone, things still sucked, and I loathed coming to this awful realisation as soon as I opened my eyes. I felt as if they disappear into oblivion when I was asleep, and that was how I liked it. How difficult was it to come back to reality after having escaped every heartbreak. After having escaped the thought of those green eyes, this pale skin, this touch that felt like electricity on my skin. Everything reminded me of him.

   I couldn't wake up properly, and didn't know why I was awake at such time. I was still half-asleep, and I rubbed my eyes, before stopping instantly. I had fallen asleep with make-up on, again. I groaned and felt a stabbing pain in my stomach, which pulled me out of my sleep properly. As my hand flew to my belly as a reflex, I started to realise, and gasped.

This could not be happening. My instincts were going wild. Everything around me was dark, only the dim light of the television was lightning up slightly the living-room. It was five in the morning. I knew that there was a special reason as in why I wasn't sleeping right now, the worst. Or maybe yet, the best.

   I tried to drag myself off the couch, and realised soon enough that everything around me was wet. I cringed at the touch of it and just whined. My water had broken right now, as I was peacefully asleep. But most of all, by myself. Without anybody to drive me to the hospital.

   I stood up and cursed under my breath. Just my luck, just my fucking luck. My stomach felt as if it was turned upside down; a mixture of emotions. Happiness, joy, prise, but also fear, doubt and annoyance. But I was most of all feeling helpless, and that was the worst. I got into my bedroom, changed my outfit at the best as I could. Another contraction rippled through my body, longer this time. They were about seven minutes apart, now. I could hardly breathe, and wanted to cry, but reached for my phone. Once I got it, I sat on my bed, looking at my pre-packed hospital bah, while typing in Michael's phone number.

   He didn't answer the first time.

"Fuck, fuck, this is bullshit, fuck," I talked to myself, almost weeping. "Pick up your phone, you fucking idiot."

    He didn't reply the second, third, fourth and fifth time. So I gave up, and instead, typed in Amanda's number. She had to be here, and I was hoping that she would hear her phone ringing. I was praying with all I had that she would. I couldn't do this on my own, and I was in such a state of pain that I could barely walk. I felt incredibly dizzy.

She didn't pick up her phone either, not the first few times, and not all of the other times. At this point, I was having a full on break-down, and I couldn't bring myself to think that I was alone. That was it, I would have to give birth in my living room, alone, like they did in the prehistoric times, for fuck's sake.

   A last number came to my mind, and I didn't even hesitate to type it in. I had no choice, from now on. People I trusted hadn't heard the phone, or just weren't there, and I didn't want to be alone, for Goodness' sake. I clicked on the little green phone on the screen, and waited for about seven seconds.

"What do you want?" a husky voice spoke. "It's five in the bloody morning."

"Ashton," I breathed heavily through another contraction. "I am going into labour."

"What?" he asked softly. "What?!"

"I am going into labour, and Michael won't pick up his fucking phone."

"Isn't he with you?"

"We had a fight," I managed to say. "Please, drive me to the hospital, that's all I'm asking for. Please."

I heard noise behind him, as if he was running through his house. "Hold on tight. I'm coming now."

•••

   Ashton grabbed my bag and helped me getting off my bed. It was true. He had been there in a few minutes only, as if he had been rushing. At first, I had felt awkward, but as soon as he had walked through the door, there was another person in front of me. He was caring, and tender, and I didn't think I had quite seen him like this.

   We got down the stairs slowly, then finally, I could reach his car. I sat on the passenger seat, and put my head in my hands, sobbing. I was feeling horrible, and Michael wasn't there. Nothing was alright.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, starting the car. He was wearing this large sweatshirt and those jeans, which didn't match at all. Downfall of picking outfits in the dark.

"Yeah, Ashton, contractions hurt," I cried. "And Michael isn't even here."

"I can't fucking believe that," he shook his head. "What a joke."

"Thank you so much."

"Don't cry, you'll be sound. Have you tried breathing exercises? Didn't they send you to a birthing class?"

"They are doing no effect at all!"

"No need to get aggressive, I am trying to help you here," he tried to soothe me with his voice. "Calm down, please. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything will be okay, we are on our way. Don't cry."

"I am trying really hard, here," I said through clenched teeth, fingers tightly grasping the seat. Another contraction. "I am going to die."

"You're not going to die, Lee," he chuckled. "Fucking red light."

I breathed in and out heavily. "I am, Ashton, I am going to die right here, right now, and I am not feeling too good about this baby situation."

"Fuck that," he muttered to himself, running the red light. "Lee, you're dramatic. Which hospital are you at?"

"King's College," I nodded. "Ouch, they are closer to each other, now."

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"I don't fucking know, Ash," I almost cried out. "It hurts and I want to die, and I hate everything, and I hate Michael to death!"

"You don't," he giggled, smiling at me.

•••

"She is having a baby!" Ashton announced, holding my arm as we both rushed into the hospital entrance.

   Nurses walked rapidly to me, and instantly brought me into a room, Ashton following close. I had to change to put on the hospital's clothes, and it was painful, but I somehow managed to do it. I laid on this uncomfortable hospital bed, over the blankets, almost naked, and I winced in pain at every contraction. I tried to fall asleep.

The nurses had told me that the baby wouldn't come quite yet, that it would need another two hours, and that I'd better get some rest while they called my doctor. The medicine kicking in, all I could see as I fell into a deep slumber was Ashton by my side, looking worriedly at his phone, holding my hand, without a word.

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