Wonderland

Chapter 6

Jared, thank you for an incredible night.  You were right, living this fantasy was worth it.  I'll never forget how it felt to be in your arms.  I'm sorry that it has to be this way.  Maybe we will cross paths again, perhaps in another life.

-Ali

I read and reread the note a dozen times.  She left sometime in the middle of the night after I was so sure she was mine to keep.  Waking up alone wasn't unusual for me, but it didn't lessen the pain that I felt in my chest. I've always had good intuition, but Ali muddled my vision, made me weak and unable to see what was right in front of me.

I crumble the note up and try to forget her.  I proceed to go through the motions of a typical day.  I shower, brush my teeth, throw on whatever is clean, eat a bowl of Muesli, then go into the studio.  We are desperately trying to finish our latest album that I just recently decided should be called America, and our label is pressuring us into an early spring release.  I've pushed the date as much as I can and we finally agreed on April. 

As soon as I sit down my phone begins ringing.   Most of the calls today will be about securing venues in Europe. With the album deadline looming over our head, we are now working out upcoming tour dates to support the release.  I look at the phone and decide it is a call that I can skip taking.  I think to myself that it is probably a good thing that Ali left.  I am much too busy to even think about a relationship.  This is the reason I've stayed single for so long.

The phone rings again, this call I have to take and I push my thoughts away.  After an hour on the phone tying up loose ends, Tomo walks in ready to work.  Shannon won't be coming in today as he has been dealing with severe anxiety and depression lately.  Something I have been keeping under wraps and closely watching.  We don't need another Chris or Chester.  I can't think about that though.  Shannon is my best friend, my confidant, and the only person in this world that truly understands me.  He'll get through this.  He always has.

After awhile Jamie and Stevie show up together laughing.  I'm not in the mood to joke around or carry on with them.  I ignore their banter and try to keep working on this one lyric that doesn't seem quite right.  I do five takes, fucking it up each time.

"Jesus, Jay what's gotten into you?" Jamie asks.

"Nothing!"

"Somethings wrong.  What is it man? You can tell us." Stevie adds.

"If you two would stop fucking around and acting like god damned three year olds, maybe we could get this line right and I wouldn't be making an ass of myself!"  I yell and then storm out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

I walk outside and try to gain some semblance of normal when I spot the bottle of water that Ali left on the chair.  Damnit, I can't catch a break.  I storm back into the house and head upstairs to my bedroom.  I lay down on the bed not exactly knowing what the plan is.  I need to be working, but I also feel the need to see Ali.  I reach for my phone so I can call her, but I can't bring myself to click on the contacts to ring the number.  Instead I hover over the message icon.

I click it and shudder.  Immediately, I am faced with the picture I took of her last night.  There she is as beautiful as ever.  Her strawberry blonde hair appearing golden in the candlelight, her flawless skin, her full and amazing breasts.  I had deleted the photo.  I needed her to see what I saw, so I sent it.  But I needed her to trust me, so I deleted it.  I completely forgot that it was still sitting in the text messages to her.

I am instantly hard.  How could I not be?  She is so stunning.  The fact is she looked nothing like most of the women I had been with.  She wasn't overly thin, her height and weight prohibited her from ever being a model.  She was by all accounts just a really beautiful, yet ordinary girl.  And that made her all the more sexy.  I wanted her.  I needed her.  I wanted to feel myself inside of her.