Deal with it

9 of November

I just love Emma Blackery. And nothing to do with the chapter again.
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Dear diary, today might just have been one of the craziest days yet. Well. First of all. Everyone still hates me... if they only knew. They don't know anything. They still think that I have no reason to break up with him, that mom walked out on us. Anyway. About the break up... They think I was using him or something. I wasn't expecting this nasty looks from everyone. I just want to grow up and be myself!!! Is that so hard to understand?

At least Stan's happy. Maybe I can list that as a positive in this situation. I think I can. Kyle is making him happier than I could've. They're moving a bit fast but well... they've known each other for ages. So there is nothing wrong with that, I guess. They're, after Craig and Tweek, the happiest couple. They don't fight... that much. Apparently there was something about Stan getting drunk? I thought he stopped! And I'd talk about it, to him. But he isn't talking to me. I mean, I think it's a good thing that he won't even look at me but I just want to help. Is that a problem now?

Margarine, well, Butters, came out to me today. And I came out to him. I can call HER (I almost wrote him. Fuck.) i can call her Marie. I always thought it was a nice name.
I'm the fourth she came out to... which is a huge honor! I came out to her as gender fluid and she took me in immediately. She's the third person i've mentioned my gender to! And the second that does not completely ignore me (although I know Stan isn't avoiding me because of that.).

Bebe is doing well. She's being a good friend and not ignoring me... nor sending me death threats. Damn people love Stan...
Anyway, Bebe. Bebe sat with me in every class and lunch and was so kind to me. Most people think she does not have a personality. She has a very beautiful one, if you bother to talk to her.

I've been playing a lot of soccer lately. Apparently I'm really good, according to Nichole (I could hold up against Kenny, according to her. Kenny is one of the best ones and the fastest runner. That's a huge honor.)
About him, Kenny hasn't ignored me either. He came to sit with me at lunch and talked to me a lot. The soccer slipped out and he said he might want to try. I lost. Although he said that with practice I will be better. Marie looked kinda jealous but I'd never. I mean, I've hooked up with Kenny but I would never be in a relationship with him. He is not, what I want.

Bebe was beautiful today, like always. (Although she wore less make up and more clothes, covering herself a lot for her. I'm kinda surprised about that.) She picked me in PE by the way.
Which, I know we're friend, but I'm still so giddy about it. (I get giddy about everything nowadays. I hope Stan is having the same luck with Kyle! Although he is not on the top of my list of people I want to be happy anymore, Bebe is. Doesn't mean I want him to feel really terrible.) My feelings for Bebe. It feels like my first crush again! And it's just a beautiful feeling. I really really love her and I can't stop thinking about her! She's so kind and beautiful and likes music and likes art and everything about her is so nice! She's so awesome! Oh God, I'm doing it again. I can't help it. It's Bebe!!! She makes even the most terrible days good just by talking about the things she likes! She turns everything around, easily. I could go on and on, and I want to but it feels weird.

She makes my heart feel like it's flying. Even a look at me stops my heart! I feel like I'm a red mess around her. She's just so beautiful. When she's in thought, she plays with her hair and it drives me crazy. Just the little things do. She's one of the most amazing people I've met and makes me forget about everything. She has the best eyes, the best smile and smells like lemon (because of shampoo I think.). Everyone else would mention boobs here- that's not, what I find attractive about her. Well, it's not the biggest thing.
She has freckles. Well, tries to hide them with make up but she has them and I love them (she showed them today! She's so pretty!). She has about five, which is not that much but still makes her look beautiful. I must have a thing for freckles.

We are going to go swimming with the class. I swear to God, someone always ends up fucking in a closet. But poor Marie. She must have so much shit because... teachers don't want her to skip. It must be so uncomfortable for her! Poor baby girl. (Yes, I feel like a parent. Marie is my little girl!!! Nobody can change that!) I want to help her so bad. Maybe I can pull some strings? Get her a free pass? Maybe i can ask Kathrine? She seems to want to help. I'll just have to explain the situation.

I thought about something. I'll ask Marie to come over for the night! We'll figure it out. I mean, it's still like 4 pm. So I could ask her and figure out a way.

P.S. She is at mine, sleeping. My child! (I know biologically I'm not her parent but I'm doing a better job than her actual parents, so.). We figured out that we should ask Kathrine. Apparently Marie is talking to her a lot and she knows about the problem. This sound like it'll be fairly easy on us.

Wends.