OBEDIENT. (Book Four)

19

You didn't love her. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her. Because you don't destroy people you love.
-Grey's Anatomy.

-

We both made a dash through the rain and Paulette giggled as we still got wet. Joining her, she pulls me closer and tilts my head up before silencing my laugh with her kisses. There were numerous people surrounding us as they waited to get into both clubs but I couldn't find it in me to feel ashamed.

I guess they were right in their sayings.

Once you've tasted sin, things will never be the same.

Upon separating, I noticed that no one actually cared and we both smirked as the line slowly decreased. In no time we were inside and it felt better to see many other persons in their work attire as they partied up a storm.

Paulette takes my hand and leads me directly to the bar while simultaneously dancing to the rhythm of the groovy music and somehow all my troubles slowly started to slip away. The club lights were dimmed and flashing and as we arrived at the bar she wasted no time in ordering shots. When she was sure we were buzzed enough to loosen up, she once again pulled me onto the dance floor before pressing me up against her, moving my body to her pace.

Her hands were wrapped around my waist as she buried her head in my neck and I moaned as I reached behind me to hold her head still. Thankful for the loud music and flashing lights, we got lost in each other as our feet moved to the beat of a non-existent drum.

Everything around us vanished and as my eyes closed, all I could envision was the two of us alone, rediscovering the ins and outs of each other. I never danced unless I was drunk and even though I had a few drinks, I was far from it... but I was dancing now and I loved it. Laughing, I pulled her towards me as we stood in our little bubble in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by other people who was just as care free as us.

An hour later and my feet were begging me to take a seat while my bladder pleaded for release. Telling a dancing Paulette I'd be right back, I pushed my way to the back and exhaled as I saw the sign for the bathroom up ahead. Passing the bar, my eyes barely landed on that of the woman I dreaded seeing as she spoke to some guys from her security team and my heart increased its palpitations tenfolds as we both held eye contact before I stumbled towards the bathroom, listening to the automatic door slam shut before bracing the wall.

There were only six or so people waiting in line and my bladder and achy feet were all but forgotten as I tried not to think about her while trying and failing to calm my racing heart.

It's okay, Justine. You got this. Just pretend like you didn't see her and I'm pretty sure she'll do the same. After all, she was the one that said we should just be friends...

Right?

But what if she saw me with Paulette?

So what?! We weren't a couple and it shouldn't matter to her who I go dancing with, because that was what we were doing...

So why was I internally freaking out?

Groaning, I ignored the people near me as they gave me strange looks and slammed the vacant toilet door shut. It made no sense for me to try and hide from her or even feel like I was somehow betraying her and as I flushed, washed my hands and headed towards the outside, I tried my best to stay calm and just head back to the girl who was supposed to be showing me a good time and distracting me from my current life situation.

"And here I thought you were as straight as they came."

"Oh my gosh!" I scolded as Ms. T stood near the opposite wall, waiting for me as soon as I came from the bathroom. "Were you waiting for me?"

"Don't avoid the question."

Her voice was calm and collected but I knew her long enough to detect the underlying display of emotions she was fighting to keep just below the surface.

"I... she."

"You were the one that kept saying time and time again how you were straight. How you'd never sleep with another woman and I was the only exception because it was my profession."

"Ms. T-"

"You were the one saying that you liked men and that this... 'lifestyle' was just a phase. That soon you'd be over it and me."

"It's not-"

"Yet here you are, in the arms of another, much younger, woman. Holding her and being held by her as you decided to fuck the world and its opinions."

"Ms. T."

"Proudly sporting her hickeys on your body when the thought of just one of mine sent you red with rage."

"This is... I can... please just."

"I must have been a fool to ever believe you."

"It's not what it looks like-"

"Really?" She mocked, stepping closer to me and causing me to hit the wall behind me. "Because it looks like you've moved on with a girl who's barely a woman. Who's just barely older than your own daughter."

"I-"

She was so close to me now that the slight move forward would cause us to be pressed against each other. We were so close that I could see her eyes weren't actually black but the deepest, darkest brown known to man. We were so close that I could feel her breath against my face as she did mine and although hers were even and controlled, mine was chaotic.

"You didn't want me." I murmured, never breaking eye contact.

"You never wanted to stay."

"I-"

"Justine?"

I pushed away from Ms. T as Paulette came into view and at her confused expression, I headed to her as I tried to avoid looking at Ms. T. She however was glued to me and I wrapped my arms around myself as I spared her one last look before Paulette held my waist, pulling me away.

"You don't leave the ones you love, Justine."

I heard her say as I walked away and I wanted to say how ironic it was for her to say that. She was the one that ended things. She's the one that's still married to a man she says she loves and as much as I couldn't stop myself from loving her, I'd never stoop as low as to break a marriage up.

He trusted her to do her job and that was to please her clients. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was her client.