OBEDIENT. (Book Four)

23

I just figured if you saw me, if you looked in my eyes, you'd remember our connection and be freed from the lies. I just figured I was something that you couldn't replace... but there was just a black stare and I couldn't relate.
-Nikki Minaj

"You're sorry?" I croaked, pissed that my voice was still a mess. "What are you sorry about?"

"You should really rest. The doctor said-"

"I don't give a fuck about what the doctor said." I tried to scream. "I asked a question."

I can't remember the last time I had actually sworn but I was so done with the lies and the deceit. I was lying in this hospital bed because I tried to do the right thing.

We were done. She made that very obvious and yet, somehow, I held this hope that we weren't. I didn't want us to be. I wanted to believe that every bad thing she'd told me was a lie and now I knew it was.

"It's... it's complicated."

"Tell me."

"I can't stand the thought of you hating me-"

"You not telling me is only going to guarantee it, so why not just tell me and let me decide."

Ms. T comes further into the room before taking the seat Jane vacated and I sat up more as she watched me. There was a sharp pain at the back of my head and I closed my eyes as my head spun for a bit.

"Are you Okay?" Ms. T asked, getting up and touching the same area my hand was positioned at.

It felt like a jolt of electricity passed from her to me and once again I felt light headed but this time I knew it was because of her. She's still staring at me, waiting for me to answer and in that moment I watched as everything disappeared through her eyes as she focused on me.

The shy, intimidated, woman was replaced by the strong, Dom that I grew accustomed to and Automatically smiled as she scanned my face

"I'm fine." I whispered.

She realized how close we were and stepped back, releasing her hold on my hand and my heart tightened at the loss of contact.

"I think your brother was saying how you fell to the floor and hit your head when he was trying to take David off of you. That might be why your head hurts."

"How can you be so calm when you talk about him?"

"I lived with him for so long and lied about the state of our marriage that it's just second nature to me now."

"Don't you hate him?"

Ms. T sighs before bracing the wall and I stare at her as she stares at the vacant chair.

"For the longest time I was in love with him. I eat, sleep and breathed him and I never wanted to come down from that high. Our sex was awesome and he was down to trying anything with me."

She looked up at me with a sad smile before continuing. "He was even supportive of me opening the club and even opened a bar right below so we'd be in business together. He was a good man then.

He was never jealous because he never had a reason to be.

I had an addiction he never knew about... maybe he did but never said anything because it never affected me negatively."

"What were you addicted to?"

"Heroin."

She looked me dead in my eyes to gauge my reaction but I was so shocked that my face was blank.

"Heroin?"

"Yeah, it was addicting but I never overdid it."

"So what changed him?"

"Me. I changed when I met a client. Her name... Cynthia. She was so beautiful. So sexual. Everything about her was... powerful. She had an innocence about her that always overpowered the deep desire to dominate and although I was always the mistress, I somehow became her sub without even realising it."

Having to lie here and watch Ms. T talk about another woman with such love and devotion caused me to become jealous but I pushed the feelings back as I repeated the mantra 'she was speaking in the past tense'.

"We had fallen for each other without even realising it and when David found out, he was heartbroken. I had still loved him but my desire and love for Cynthia, had far outweighed my love for him. I wanted a divorce but he pleaded for me to stay and Cynthia being Cynthia was okay with that.

It was weird. I was married to man and in love with a woman. But somehow it worked. I guess our love was doomed from the start, though, because she found me all drugged out once and instead of leaving me, she tried it.

It was awesome, we'd get high before sex and the sex would be ten times better..."

She stops as she inhales and I watch as her eyes stays close for a minute longer, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"One night David and I had a fight, a nasty one. The first night he ever hit me and I threatened to leave him. I found Cynthia and I was crying like crazy so she tried calming me down. We shot up, I blacked out and when I awoke, she had OD'd right beside me."

"Oh my gosh, that's terrible." I cut in but Ms. T shook her head as I tried reassuring her. "It wasn't your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself."

"No, you don't understand... I left her there. I didn't call the cops because I didn't want anyone to know I was using. It's illegal."

"I-"

"I didn't know what to do and I panicked and left her at my club. I was high as shit and I went home to David. I thought he'd help me and he did. He fixed everything... at a price."

"Ms. T."

"We came here to start over. I was done with London and it's memories and I was done falling in love. I was stuck in this marriage to a man that I now hated but at least I felt like it was justice for leaving her like she was."

She pushed off from the wall and came closer to me. "I introduced her to my sick addiction. I caused her to OD. I killed her."

"Ms. T, stop."

"And I almost killed you tonight."

"That is not your-"

"Being with me." She cut in. "Just being around me, falling in love with me, it's a death wish."

Before I could stop her, she was walking out the door and the panic I tried to push down came rearing its ugly head.

"Ms. T!" I shouted, ignoring the brokenness of my voice but still she continued to walk, so I tried again.

"Denise." She stops but doesn't turn to me. "I love you."

"That... is a death wish."