Ch 62

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NA,''Astha go and pack your things, we will be leaving in the morning.''

Astha got up and walked past shlok and went to his room.

she stood in the bedroom and just looked around for several moments, her eyes dry but her heart aching. She moved to the dresser and started talking off her jewellery, a tear fell as she removed the bangles and rings, her necklace. She bent to take off her anklets and threw them on bed.

Her eyes went to mirror as she removed her ear rings. she angrily rubbed off the lipstick from her lips with her hands.

Strong arms came and hugged her from behind, she let shlok pull her into the hug. He didn't say anything and she stay silent too,what could she say? They stayed that way for a long time,then he whispered,'' Don't go.''

Astha closed her eyes and said,''I can't go against baba.''

Shlok turned her so she faced him,his eyes pleaded her,''I know you are angry at me but I swear I did not know and its not like I planned to sleep with you that day,it just happened and I was getting late and..' he broke off and leaned over,his forehead touched hers and he closed his eyes,''Give me another chance, I can't live without you, I almost lost you few months ago, I cannot go through it again.''

Astha,''Now, you are saying it when everything is almost finished,you could have said it all before, now ...I can't go against baba's wishes,if he wants me to leave then I will leave.''

Shlok,''don't you love me?''

Astha,''shlok let me go, I need to pack.''

Shlok,''will you be able to live without me?''

Astha,''shlok let me go!.''

Shlok let her go,''You are just like baba, you don't care about other person's feelings, only what you think counts. You want to go, then go.''

Astha stared at him, he was letting her go,'' So, now you are blaming me for letting go? I bore so much for you, I waited for even a single glance from you, always begging for your attention all these years and now you have decided that I don't care. Well, you are wrong! you live in your own world. I made a mistake but you made it into a crime. I couldn't see you sad, so I told you the truth about what happened at holi, I could have stayed quiet and you would have carried the guilt your whole life. but you saw I was sad, you saw how miserable I was and you ignored me, I was there when you needed me but after that I even had to hug myself if I felt lonely, you just didn't care.''

Shlok,''Then you should have told me!.''

Astha,''Not everything is said,somethings need to be understood.''

Shlok,'' I don't understand these things, since when you became shy? you always asked for whatever you wanted.''

Astha bitterly replied,''since you started making me feel inferior, since you started to ignore me, since you made me realize in thousand ways that I am not wanted...its better we separate, there is too much bitterness.''

Shlok pulled her toward him,''I didn't do it deliberately and I want you,you know that!''

Astha,'' I don't want to talk with you shlok.''

Shlok pulled her more closer,'' go, but i will bring you back, you are mine.''

Astha pulled away,'' I don't know who I am anymore, but I am not some property. You don't get to own me, you don't get to decide anything about me anymore.''

Shlok,''then tell me that you do not love me anymore and I will let you go.''

Astha moved away from him,'' I ..'' shlok moved forward, she stepped back but then her back was against the wall, ''I ''

Shlok leaned into her, astha closed her eyes,''Not fair.''

Shlok,'' everything is fair when it comes to love or war, you still want me, your body tells me, and you love me, your eyes tell me that,so just tell baba and we can work out all our problems. I made mistakes, I was angry and I ignored you but you know I can never ignore you.''

Astha opened her eyes and stared at his chest, he was tall that this close all she could feel was his warmth,'' Give me time''she finally said,''let me go with baba, I won't divorce you, I need some time away from you to know myself again.''

Shlok stepped back so he could look into her eyes,''Only if you promise, you will come back.''

Astha nodded, ''If baba agreed, I will come back.''

Shlok,'' and who will convince him?''

Astha took a deep breath,''time.''

Shlok,''and if he still didn't agree?''

astha lowered her eyelashes,''Now I have learnt how to live without anyone.''

Shlok touched her cheek with his hand,feeling her she was here with him,''and I have learnt that I can not live without you.''

Astha didn't open her eyes,''mere words ..you go to your tours,you never call me, I used to wait for your calls, first time when you went away, I did not sleep the night, I was so sure you were going to call me as soon as you reached there.''

Shlok brushed his lips against her cheek, her scent, her softness mingled into him,'' I thought you didn't love me, I thought I was just a way for you to always live a privileged life.''

Astha opened her eyes, he was bent over her,''I never knew what was privileged life because that was the only life I ever had, I never thought about how rich you were, i just loved you and I did it since i was a kid. I believed you were my husband ever since you accidently tied the mangulsutar,that it was a sign that we were meant to be together.''

Shlok picked her up by her waist and held her up,so that there faces were on same level,''may be we were,so now''he kissed one corner of her lips,''why are you trying to'' he kissed her lips,''leave me?''his words whispered against her mouth.

Astha,''You are trying to distract me.'' He smiled against her lips, his beard marking her skin as he rubbed his lips over hers possessively.

Shlok,''I never plan it,it just happen, I sometime wish we go back to the time when I hadn't thought of you this way because now all I think about is you. I want to spend time with you but when you are near me, I want to be more closer and then more and we end up in bed and then,I feel..I feel ashamed for losing control, for not able to be in your company and remain unaffected, It was never like this before, never.''

Astha felt a shiver run down her spine, he rarely spoke when he was so near, and today when he was saying these things,she felt happy for some reason,yet scared too, his intensity was scaring her a bit,'' shlok please, i need to go and pack.''

Shlok kissed her again, this time, his mouth explored her and nearly intoxicated her, breathless she pulled back, but there was no way to go, her back was to the wall and he was in front of her, he looked slightly feverish, his eyes so hot, they were burning her,''Shlok I don't think we should..''

he bent and his lips trailed down her throat,''promise me you will meet me daily.'' he said as he slowly kissed the other side of throat. There was a knock on door outside.



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