As a kid, I would fall down, scrape myself and cry.
I would wish for something to make the pain go away, for someone to comfort me.
It would be years later before I found out menders existed;
with hearts of gold that were mangled and beaten by the v...
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"Why won't you just tell me what happened?"
"I don't fucking trust you. What if you agree with them?"
"Why not?! Agree with who?"
"Why should I trust someone who'll leave me in the end?"
"I promise I won't ever leave your side, Yuri. Not voluntarily. I love you."
The cold sweat soaked my pillow and sheets.
It was only getting worse.
I needed to get everything off my chest. I needed to tell someone before these memories, these feelings, completely ruined me.
If I had been anyone else I could have gone to a therapist, but they were not to be trusted by someone like me. They could tell me everything would be confidential, but those words would be nothing but empty. The minute I left their office they'd be quick to report me to the government.
I curled into my covers.
I knew Ji Eun had asked me to trust her plenty of times. I just didn't feel comfortable dumping my baggage all out in the open for someone else to see. Wasn't it a burden? Wouldn't I just be complaining about useless things that I should have coped with already? All I knew was that she was right. I couldn't live like this anymore.
Maybe it was time I let someone in again.
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Despite me feeling like utter shit, I got ready and boarded the bus that took me to school. Ji Eun followed shortly after and sat next to me. I had planned to tell her that we could meet up at lunch so I could tell her everything, but the moment I opened my mouth all the emotions of the past week flooded in at full force, leaving me gasping for air.
"Yuri?! Are you okay?!"
I attempted to breathe in and out. I needed to calm down. I needed to do this. I'd been a coward for far too long.
I sat up slowly and nodded my head, not trusting my mouth to speak. It took me the whole bus ride to feel slightly stable.
Why had I let myself become this fucked up? Why couldn't I just open up to people and trust that they'd be there to support me? Why was it so hard to believe that they wouldn't leave me?
I always questioned myself why, but I knew the answer perfectly well.
I mindlessly walked next to Ji Eun and soon realized we were standing in front of her class. She peered at me and scowled in concern. I glanced up at the ceiling, willing the sudden tears forming to stop. I couldn't cry here.
"Do you have something to tell me, Yuri? Why are you having anxiety attacks and nearly on the verge of crying? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" She said it so sincerely that it triggered everything I had been holding back once again.
