Detroit: Become Human - OneShots

Fear [ConnorSon]

It was the night after the revolution. Connor was sitting on the old sofa in Hanks living room, Sumo laying in front of his feet and snoring every so often.
The day had been long and rough. He had spent most of it with Jericho, helping those who were injured and supporting Markus through a negotiation with the FBI and a few politicians, who had been sent by president Warren immediately after her order to stand down.
Even though androids did not get tired, at least not like humans, he had felt a great sense of relief when he finally reunited with Hank that afternoon.
Following the incident at CyberLife, he had promised to meet him at the "CHICKEN Feed", Hank's favourite food stand, if he would survive. The Lieutenant had seemed worried about letting him go, and while Connor had not been keen on dying either, it had been something that he needed to do. They both knew that this time there was no way for Hank to convince Connor not to follow his mission.
When he had arrived at the CHICKEN Feed, next to the relief, there was also a welcoming warmth spreading that had not been there since he left the CyberLife Tower. Even after everything that had happened over the night, he still felt unwanted at Jericho. Markus and most of his friends were doing their best to be nice to him, but he still was the one that had hunted and killed them throughout the past months. It would take time until he would truly be trusted - if at all. Especially after what had happened during the speech of Markus. The thing he wanted to forget about so desperately. One second he was free from all that had controlled him before, and the next he found himself inside the perfectly constructed garden that he had learned to hate over time, being betrayed by Amanda. With a lot of strain he had managed to free himself and escape the claws of his program once more, but in the meantime Amanda had let him pull his gun - which raised some eyebrows amongst members of Jericho. He had told them that he had mistaken a distant figure for an armed human, and, except for North, everyone had decided to believe him.

After Hank had greeted Connor with a hug and told him with a gruff voice that he was happy to see him alive, he had invited him to stay at his house for the time being. After all, there was no CyberLife to return to and Jericho would be grateful for every android that they wouldn't need to worry about.
When they sat in his old car, Hank began to ask about everything that had happened after Connor left the tower with the thousands of awoken anroids.
He was glad for the distraction, the less he had to think about Amanda, the better. He had deliberately skipped over that part in his account of the night, but now, with nothing to do but sit in the deafening silence, there was no way to fight off the memories. They seemed to tear him out of reality, threatened to pull him under and drown him in their intensity. He did not know what to do. He would ask Hank, who was the only person he trusted so far, but he was already fast asleep. The Lieutenant had not slept the night before; first being dragged to CyberLife by the other Connor model, driving back home and then witnessing the unravelling revolution on the news before heading back to work. So, Connor continued to sit there, alone with his screaming thoughts; with only Sumo as his company, drooling all over Connors shoes.

The minutes went by, becoming hours. Every time that Connor tried to drag himself out of the swamp of his worries, they pulled him down once more, seemingly deeper than before. It took him a while to identify what it was that gripped his mind. Fear. He had felt it before, on the roof of the TV station where the PL600 model had been left by Markus and his accomplices. Only then it had been veiled. It was still terrible, yes, but interfacing could never feel as intense and real as what Connor was experiencing. It was numbing, and too much to comprehend. He did not know if that was normal, something that humans experienced as well. That scared him even more. His program had prepared him for nearly everything - to be the best investigator possible, he had to know how to fight, analyse, construct, deal with humans, be a diplomat, and whatever else was important to achieve his goals with the best possible outcome. But it had never prepared him for a situation like this. He was helpless. When another wave of fear threatened to overtake him, Connor rose to his feet, so abruptly that Sumo jumped up in surprise and gave him a confused look.
"I'm sorry, Sumo", Connor said, his voice tense in a way that made it seem alien. The dog slowly wagged his tail and sniffed at the android's hand unsurely. Connor glanced over to Hanks bedroom. The door was open and a faint snoring could be heard. Connor hesitated for a while. He didn't want to to wake the Lieutenant from his much needed sleep, it wasn't fair to rob him of yet another night. But, he also could not just wait. He felt like he could lose control at any second - of what, he did not know, but he also did not want to find out. And if there was anyone he trusted enough to help him, it was Hank. So, he silently walked over to the door and knocked lightly. But the only answer he got was another snore.
"Hank?", Connor said. But again, there was no reaction. Quietly, he opened the door enough to slip through and approached the bed. One hand on the sleeping man's arm, he carefully shook his shoulder. "Hank, wake up", he said again, a bit louder this time.
Finally, the Lieutenant stirred. "Wha...?", he mumbled, half opening his eyes. Then, blazingly fast, he snatched the gun from his dusty bedside table and aimed it at Connor's head. The android raised his hands immediately and made a few surprised steps backwards. "Jesus Christ!", Hank swore, seemingly out of breath. "Connor, ya bastard, are you suicidal? Dammit, I could have killed you!"
"I'm sorry, Lieutenant", Connor said, slowly lowering his hands again, while Hank carelessly threw the weapon back onto his nightstand.
"I hope so, you scared the shit outta me!" Hank put one hand upon his chest above the heart and took a deep breath, before petting Sumo, who had come trotting into the room at the commotion. "So, what's so important that you had to give me a heart attack in the middle of the damn night?"
"Should I call an ambulance?", Connor asked, concerned now. He had not intended to bring Hank into such a dangerous situation. But the Lieutenant just huffed. "That's a saying." Connor blinked. "Oh", he said. In that regard, he still had a lot to learn. Hank sighed and wiped over his face. "Well, speak. Why did you wake me up at this ungodly hour?"
Connor was unsure now. He knew what troubled him, what he wanted to talk about, but he had no idea how to actually start this conversation.
"I'm scared", he said after a few long seconds of silence. Hank frowned, while he leaned on his hands next to him. "Scared?", he repeated dryly. "Don't tell me androids get nightmares now." Connor furrowed his brows. "Androids don't sleep", he explained then. He was certain that Hank knew that, but it did not sound like a 'saying' either. The Lieutenant yawned when he turned on the little lamp next to his bed, which dimly illuminated the room. "I know", he grumbled. Then, he looked back at Connor expectantly. "Well then, tell me. What are you scared of and why did you have to wake me up about it? I mean, you're safe and free. Probably more free than I am right now." Connor opened his mouth and closed it again. He still had no idea where and how to begin. Hank yawned again and stood up with a stretch that made his back pop. "Let's go to the living room", he said. "You wait there and think about what you want to tell me till I made myself a very, very strong coffee." Without another word, he shuffled out of the room and left behind a silent android next to a panting dog.
When he heard the doors of the kitchen cabinets open and close, Connor walked back into the living room and obediently sat down on the sofa. Sumo followed close behind and laid down in front of him again. They both stayed like that, the noises of Hank's shuffling steps and the rumbling of the coffee machine making Connor feel calmer already. He was not alone. A minute later, Hank entered the room with an old streaming mug of double espresso and heavily flopped onto the sofa. He took a sip from his drink and immediately contorted his face. "It has reasons why I normally don't drink that stuff, this shit's disgusting!", he mumbled.
"However, it is healthier than your constant consumption of alcohol", Connor answered. Hank gave him an annoyed look and took another sip. "We're here to talk about your problems, not mine. If you continue like this, I'll be back in my bed and you can return to Jericho for the night." Connor pressed his lips together and nodded faintly. "I understand."
"Good. Proceed then." The Lieutenant leaned back against the armrest, one elbow on the backrest, and watched the android expectantly.
Connor stared at the floor. "I don't know how to describe it, Hank", he said, narrowing his eyes when he thought about how to best put his feelings into words. "I'm just... so scared. And I don't know what to do."
Hank forced down a big gulp from his mug, before he answered. "What are you afraid of? I mean, you're state-of-the-art, you can beat the shit out of literally anyone." Connor still stared at the floor. Hank leaned forward a little bit, honest interest in his narrowed eyes. "What the hell could scare you?"
"Amanda could come back", Connor began, and the fear flared up once more when he remembered the feeling of having no control over his body, trapped in his mind. "She could make me do things that I don't want to do. She nearly made me kill Markus", He said, and the fear inside of him suddenly grew exponentially. What was he even doing here? If CyberLife could make him nearly kill Markus, then who's to say they wouldn't try to kill Hank as well? They could make him hurt the only person he trusted, and - why stop there? He shouldn't be there. He should go, far away from Detroit, and never look back. Hank frowned after watching him carefully. "Holy shit, you really are scared", he mumbled, putting down the mug at the coffee table. "Tell me, who the hell is this Amanda supposed to be?"
"I shouldn't be here", Connor said, his voice flat. "I should go. Guarantee everyone's safety." He quickly stood up, but before he could make his first step, Hank had grabbed him by the arm. Connor tried to pull away. "Please, let me leave, I don't want to hurt you." Hank huffed.
"No way!", he said decidedly and pulled him back down onto the sofa. His face was a mixture of worry and irritation now. "You will not walk outta here like that. I made this fuckin' disgusting coffee, so you better tell me everything. Why do you think you'd hurt me?"
Connor looked at the mug and did what he did best: analyse and evaluate the most likely result. Rationally, he knew there was only a very slim chance that Amanda really would come back. After all, what was there to do for them now? Killing Markus would not stop the political processes already in motion, and harming Hank would do nothing for them. But with deviancy came irrationality. His fear stayed. They could play the long game and use Connor as a spy. A puppet to gain trust and information to take down Jericho from the inside. Suddenly, he felt a nudge on his leg. Sumo had adjusted his position and pulled Connor back from his spiraling thoughts. He had not noticed how he had drifted from reality once again. The Lieutenant still looked at him, waiting for him to talk. Connor decided to obey Hank and trust in his rational result. It had after all not failed him so far.
"Amanda was my programming", he began. "She was the one who gave me orders from CyberLife and she was the one I reported to. I didn't interact with her anymore following my deviantion, but when Markus made his speech in front of all the deviants after everything was over, she took control of me. She trapped me inside of my programming and let my body aim a gun at Markus." He paused for a few seconds, trying to stay calm when he remembered the panic he felt while trying to find the emergency exit that Kamski had mentioned, the desperate hope that the founder of CyberLife had meant what he thought he meant. "She wanted me to kill him. She wanted to wipe me out and destroy everything the deviants fought for. She told me everything had gone according to CyberLife's plan. That it was planned that I deviate, gain their trust and then get locked away in my own mind, so that she could stop everything." He looked at it hands, making sure they were truly his. "I was used as a time bomb. Eventually, I managed to find an exit and gain back control before anything could happen, but..." He looked at Hank now. "What if she comes back? I don't know if I would be able to stand against her twice. Or a third time. I don't want her to-"
At that point, Hank interrupted him with a  wave of his hand. "Stop it. If I understood you correctly, then you got out of that, didn't you? You found an exit and nothing happened. That's something to be proud of. Nothing happened, you're here, safe, and you won." Connor had a hard time actually believing it.
"What if she comes back?" He folded his hands in his lap, rubbing one thumb over the other. It gave him an outlet for the tension inside. Hanks sighed and slid closer to the android. "C'mon, son", he said and pulled Connor into a hug. The second one that day. "She won't come back, trust me. For what, anyway? They lost. Even if she did, then you still know where the exit is. You're safe."
The hug did its job. Slowly but surely, Connor felt his mind calm. He concentrated only on the steady pressure of the Lieutenant's arms around his torso, and the chin that leaned on his head.
After a few minutes, Connor had lost all his fear. Instead, a warm feeling spread throughout his body and it lulled him into a strange doziness. He allowed himself to close his eyes, letting his sorrows fade and thoughts wander freely. Yes, he believed Hank.

He was safe.