p r e t e n d | Joji

t h i r t y - f o u r

!warning!
graphic content ahead

"and the sun will shine no more, i've been holding on too long."

i was lying there, paralyzed and soaked in blood.

hopelessness was my blanket,covering whatever was left of my being.

as the doctors and nurses placed my body on the bed, i could already see flashbacks of my life.

hey joji, although i was aware of the hopelessness in the situation,

i still hoped you didn't see me lying there naked on the bed with only a thin blanket covering my body.

i still hoped you didn't see the blood-soaked hospital gown that was still on the floor.

i still hoped you didn't hear the doctor saying "aneurysm relapse"

i still hoped you didn't get to hold the babies that were stillborn because they lost too much oxygen.

i still hoped you'd pretend everything was fine and walked away.

and most importantly, i still hoped we could play pretend together again one day.