Beauty and Beastly | ✓

Chapter 19

Things that followed could not be described by myself correctly. I found myself bound to similar iron walls but maybe I was hallucinating because I woke up in my room. I remember my desire for bloodshed and death.  I  know I yearned for it as I looked at the pack members. I remember that I could hear their blood pump through their body, coursing them. I could hear their heart beat frantically. I wanted to pull it out of them. Seep my hands into their warm chests; wrap my claws around it as it beat; squeeze it as they cried in pain and finally yank it as I looked into their eyes turning lifeless. I remember I wanted to clamp my canines into their necks until I hear a satisfying crunch. I remember how I went out of control, like a true animal. 

But Xavier stopped me. The monster stopped me. The beast stopped me, from turning into anything worse. What would people now think of me? I had let them down too. Perhaps they now looked at me with horror and disgust. I didn't have to play with Leo's body even after he had died. I could have just let it be. But I couldn't. I needed more. I shouldn't have even thought about wanting to spill their blood.

They now knew that I wasn't just a wolf. I was a mutation. An abomination. A true monster. I was born a beast. Xavier had nothing on me. Maybe that's why I pushed him away. He reminds me too much of myself, and I despise myself. 

The only good that came out of this was Xavier. The first few days after the duel he came up to my room every night and lay in bed with me for the whole night because I couldn't go to sleep. 

A week later, and now he stays with me without even asking. He knows he's welcomed. As of now, he's playing with my hair as he tries to lull me to sleep. 

"At least you aren't a beast due to your own free will. You were born one. I became one. I've been through this all.  It'll past."  We were united and shared the same experiences. "You aren't unloved. They will understand."

My head was pounding because of my wolf's constant desire to spend time with her mate in her form. He was the only thing distracting us. I pressed my hands to my head in an attempt to stop the pain. 

"What is it?" Xavier asked and I told him about my wolf. "If she wants to see me, she can. I want to see her too."

"No Xavier I can't let her out. Its too dangerous." I tried to reason. 

He cupped my cheek, "Don't you think that she has become like this because you've always pushed her down. I will be with both of you, I wont let you do anything bad." I nodded unsurely. "Come on Aphrodite, I'm waiting for you little one." 

And soon Aphrodite came through. Just because I haven't described it, it doesn't mean the process wasn't as long and painful as it had been at the duel. But Xavier diverted the pain as I focused on the sparks and tingles that followed his touch onto my wolf's fur. 

"So beautiful." He whispered as his hand ran through my silver fur. "And all mine." He added. My wolf thought of nothing but him. Not about blood or death. Just her mate. I immediately felt bad for stopping her from having these moments before. 

She lay down on Xavier's lap and let her feet give away as she rested on him peacefully. He continued stroking her lovingly. 

"I love our mate, Katherine." She purred to me. "But tomorrow, I want to play with Argento in the fields."

"Whatever you want Aph." I whispered as she began to fall asleep. 

I had never told my parents about Aphrodite. I never dared. This dark secret was mine and mine alone. It should have been kept that way.

I woke up in the morning, to still find myself in my wolf form and with Xavier stroking me whilst reading a book. She wagged her tail quickly as she thought about spending time with her lycan. She jumped to her feet and nuzzled against Xavier's chest before speaking into the mind link. 

"Can I spend time with Argento now in the fields?" She asked, well she practically begged. Xavier nodded and let her lead the way. He followed quietly as she led her way expertly to the middle of the fields. Then she halted and turned to look at Xavier expectantly. He too shifted and his transformation seemed just as painful as mine. She looked straight at her lycan and slowly made her way towards him. She was on all fours but he was only on his two legs. She then pushed herself up against his legs as she circled him. She let our scent cover his. She was territorial. Argento bent down and she pushed him and landed on him with her weight. She lay on top of him. 

"I quite like this position." She growled playfully to me.

Then she got up and distanced herself from him. What you should know about Aphrodite is that she loves to play games. So as soon as Argento realised there was something wrong he shot up. But it was too late. She was one step ahead of him and she was running as fast as she could. She shot past the trees. She wanted Argento to prove his worth and catch her. She could hear twigs breaking loudly close buy and so she propelled herself forward faster. The trees and her surroundings whizzed around her, until she was thrown to the floor with a heavy weight on top of her. She flipped over to see it was Argento. He was a good match for her. She brushed her paw against his chest and removed herself from under him. She was now thirsty so she walked to the lake nearby. But as she caught hold of her reflection we both paused. We realised that we needed to go home to figure ourselves out. 

"But Katherine, home no longer means the same thing." My wolf said into our link. 

"I know." I replied. "But we have to go because its not fair on Xavier or Argento if we cannot even understand or even tolerate ourself. How can we expect him too?

She took a step back and mind-linked Argento and told him of our decision. Argento thrashed about violently before climbing the trees and disappearing. He didn't agree with our decision, but he respected it. That's all that matters. 

Aphrodite was sulky on the walk back to the castle. As soon as I was in my room I shifted back. I stretched out my muscles before I got started on packing. I packed lightly, not that I had much. They didn't belong to me anyway.

I walked out and stood by the gate waiting for a horse when I saw a shadow behind me that nearly frightened me. I turned around to face him. "Take care." He whispered as he stroked my cheek with his thumb and I caressed his hands absentmindedly not wanting to leave and find out the truth. But I had to know. I got onto the horse before he could argue further about going by carriage.  I travelled away from the castle but it was so odd. I wanted to turn back. Instead I  wanted to run away. Away from the truth. 

But I needed to know who I was before I could runaway from what I am or learn to overcome the despise I feel towards myself.