Rough Seas

27 - Something Missing

Tom sighed as he walked up the cobblestone street that led to his house. People were staring at him. Again. At first, he had tried to not let it bother him, but the sad looks people were giving him was getting to him. Even today, as he had walked through the market, he had heard a group of older ladies discussing him, and how tired he had been since he got back, how somber he had been acting. Maybe they thought it was because of torture, or just an after effect of being taken for so long. Well, let them gossip over his well-being. Tom was fine.

As he came up to his house, Tom fished the keys out of his pocket. His house, a simple, two-story, re-bricked home, was nothing out of the ordinary. The only thing that distinguished it from any of the other, similar houses on the street was that he had painted his door black, so that anyone coming to visit would be able to find his house. The door creaked as it opened, and when it closed. He needed to fix that. When the door was locked, the house was silent. It gave Tom the creeps. Who wanted to come home to an empty house? Tom had always thought about returning home from work, having his loved one (or ones, now) already be there, to greet him as he walked through the door. Tom groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. Gods, he was lonely. Placing the bag on his kitchen counter, Tom began unpacking his groceries.

It had been strange being back home after two weeks. Days dragged on for what seemed like years on end, and really the only thing that relaxed him was sleep. Maybe it was because he was paranoid about Dianite, or maybe something else. After the constant stream of meetings, worry and Jordan and Katherine it felt weird to be on a break. He missed them, more than he would have admitted out loud. Tom missed Katherine's smile, the way Jordan's eyes crinkled up when he laughed. The way Jordan had held him, and Katherine had kissed him so softly. Tom shook his head, as if that would clear him of these thoughts. He had to stop thinking about them. He was never going to see them again, so why bother? After his groceries were unpacked, Tom glanced around the fairly open bottom floor of his house. It was so large, too large for just one person. He wished that Jordan and Katherine could be here with him. Groaning, Tom rubbed his forehead. There he went again, thinking about the two Ianitee's that had stolen his heart.

Thinking back on his time as a prisoner, Tom wondered if they actually had looked in the desk. He sincerely hoped that they had. He had spent a good portion of nights writing those letters. They were from the heart. They were honest. (They were kind of sappy if he was telling the truth) Tom wondered what they had thought about them. Maybe they had smiled and laughed, embarrassed but pleased that Tom had taken the time to write them those letters. Maybe they thoughts they were nice. He certainly hoped so. Tom couldn't help but think about the bad. What if they hadn't seen the letters? What if they had ripped them to shreds, along with his notebook, calling him a traitor, a thief, a murderer- He needed to stop freaking himself out before he broke down in his kitchen.

Tom shrugged off his coat, letting it hang on the back of one of his chairs, and made his way upstairs, into his bedroom. Practically falling onto the bed, Tom pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. Ugh. He felt like shit. It was like someone had taken all of his fun and happiness and thrown it away. Why had he been so happy when he was taken prisoner? Of all the times to feel the best, that was certainly not one that people would suspect. Maybe if Jordan and Katherine were here, he could talk to them about it.

"God damn it." Tom groaned out. Again? Even after he had told himself that he couldn't, no, that he shouldn't think about them? Why did his thoughts keep coming back to the two of them? Why did Jordan and Katherine always stay in his mind?

Suddenly, Tom realized something. All of these feelings he was having, the sadness, the exhaustion, maybe even the feeling that time was moving slowly, were because he missed them. Ugh, that sounded sappier than he thought. But, thinking about it more, Tom realized that all of the signs had been showing since he got back. The inability to think of anything but the two Ianitee's he liked (or maybe loved). How tired he had been, having to deal with Dianite again. All of his feelings were stemming from Jordan and Katherine not being here. He missed them.

Tom hadn't realized it, but they had filled the holes in his heart from losing his parents, being cast out, being unloved for so long. Now that he was away from them, he realized that they too had left holes in his heart, ones that he now longed to fill once more.