In Your Own Words

20. SUBJECT: WHERE ARE YOU?

to: weston.maguire@baderu.com

from: cassie.belford@baderu.com

subject: Re:Mission Impossible

sent: March 25, 2017 at 9:08pm

Hi Wes,

I've never seen the Mission Impossible movies. Actually, I don't think I've seen any Tom Cruise movies. He's not the one from Fight Club, is he?

Okay I checked and that's Brad Pitt. Shit.

I'm not really a movie person. Sometimes I'll try to watch one, but I'm usually left with a lot of questions. Before Simon left for Texas, he and I watched Forrest Gump. I'd never seen it before (see, I'm really not a movie person) but I liked it. It's one of Simon's favourites, and I immediately had fifty questions:

"What happens when the little kid goes to high school? Will Forrest just hire a tutor or something?"

He shrugged. "You know as much as I do."

"But do you think Tom Hanks/Forrest would ever remarry?"

"Cassie, I have no idea."

"But---" Simon got up and left before I could ask anything else. He's an extraordinarily patient person, but there are times I'll still exhaust him.

He took Hank to Texas with him and Sarah. I figured he would, since Simon and Hank really shouldn't be apart, but I wasn't prepared for how quiet it would be at home.

Even with the radio and TV on, there wasn't enough noise. I tried to be productive. I cleaned, I read, I wrote, I studied, and I deep conditioned my hair.

But after a day and a half, I was bored. So, I did what anybody in Kingston with no friends does; I went to the mall.

Have you ever been to the Gardiner Center? The stores are all kind of meh, but they have a Cinnabon.

I sat on a mall bench (it's funny how malls try to trick people into believing they're outside) eating my calorie-dense snack and watching people go about their day.

There are people who choose to be there and those who desperately want to leave. Some people, like me, go to pass time, whereas others are there on a mission; they want to find that waffle iron and leave in ten minutes or less.

I saw an old guy scold a couple of kids.

There was a teenager with red eyes and a beanie.

I even saw a pigeon who couldn't find his way out of the mall.

Then, a short girl with big curly hair caught my eye. She was with her mom---an older, even shorter, and wider version of the daughter. From the bit of conversation I overheard, they were there to find a dress for her junior prom. She wanted something black, so it would be flattering, and mid-length, so she would look taller.

I went to two dances in high school. One was homecoming when I was dating Felix, and the other was prom. Prom was cheesy, as it was meant to be, but it was the number of strangers that fucked with my head.

My high school wasn't very big, so I knew everyone's names and random details about their lives, but I didn't really know any of them. Even the girls I sat with at lunch felt like strangers. Sure, I knew which one was insecure about her braces and which one wouldn't get into college, but I'd never taken an interest in anything I couldn't learn from observation. Nor had I let anyone get to know me. My isolation in high school was practical; I was so busy working and studying so I could get a scholarship, leave town, and find a life. But I was actually really good at being alone.