paranoia

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i'm afraid.
no,
petrified.
of the possibility that seems to be more true.
as days go by,
while texts become shorter,
my patience grows smaller.
i'm terrified of the
paranoia that terrorizes me.
taking my body and brain by its vulnerability,
slowly and painfully going over all the various aspects of the causes of this mistrust.

because i made a promise to myself.
and when i said yes,
i trusted us with this promise.
but now i'm just not as sure.
because it feels like you've taken my heart for granted.
and yet, i'm letting you.
but just know it slowly breaks me,
day
by
day.
until i become that girl.
who's boyfriend calls all the shots.
who's boyfriend walks all over her.

but i do not want to become a stereotype.
an "i feel bad for her" type girl.
because i am more than that.
see babe, i feel like i could live without you.
and that scares me even more.

-m

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