i wish you knew what its like, to be scared of you.
how the only day i praise myself is when
i get hungry an hour later than the day before:
reminding myself to hate the feeling of being full,
the emptiness of my body has become
the well of cold water
soothing the screams of the sacred body
i want to constantly rid myself of.
i wish i never knew what it was like, to see the way you stare back at me.
to want to indulge in the perfection when you touch the tip of my tongue, so easily melting into my throat.
how you feel like heaven in my mouth
but hell in my mind.
the chaos of our meeting, all too similar to pressing the
self destruct button in my heart.
i am smarter than you,
my mom says.
but the way my body breaks at the sight of you,
tells me
that i never will be.
-m
