aTRACKion

Chapter Twenty

I don't know how long I have been sat here in my hotel room, just trying to figure out what I am to do next. I guess I have two choices: I either return to the party and forget what I saw, or I don't return to the party and don't forget what I saw.

And I can't forget what I saw.

I wish I could. I wish I could unsee Doug taking a line of coke up his nostril, I really do. But I have seen it, and it changes everything.

Doug isn't who I thought he was. If coke is a big part of his lifestyle, then he isn't someone I can still be with. And that's not me being over dramatic or a bossy mare, it's me just being honest with myself. Falco used me, cheated on me, lied to me. I was never in love with him or anything, but he abused my fondness for him. All he cared about was using my voice to get him in the charts, so he could get higher on his drugs. When the cruel taunts came about my weight, he promptly dumped me. That kind of crap from a guy, only makes a girl stronger. And this girl is stronger. I've lost weight and found a new me.

I know that Doug isn't using me to get ahead in his career or anything. He's way more successful than I'll ever be. He's Doug DiCarto, for crying out loud. He's a huge success all on his own.

But, I'm doubting us.

I believe that he genuinely likes my voice.

I believe that he genuinely likes me.

It's not actually Doug's feelings that are in doubt here...it's mine.

I just don't want to be with someone who takes drugs.

I just don't.

No matter how I feel about Doug. I just don't want to be involved with someone who takes them. I'm all about moving forward in my life, not going backwards. I'm twenty seven now. I have no room for drugs in my life. I've been there, wore the t-shirt. I'd like to think that I've matured enough to not ever go back to dabbling with lines and pills. But if Doug still wants to do them, then he can go right on ahead and do them...I just can't be there to watch it.

With doubt and disappointment fogging my brain, I hear loud knocking on my hotel door. "Frankie, you in there?" With unsure strides, I slowly decide to open it. As soon as Doug sees me, his frown lines deepen across his tanned forehead. "I've been waiting for you, we're going in a minute?" His usual brown and attractive eyes are now black and dilated orbs from the coke.

"I'm not coming." It's so hard to look at him. So hard being in this situation because of him. "You go on ahead." I say, feeling a swell of emotion rising in my throat.

Doug stands quietly, like he's assessing what the hell is going on. "Have I done something wrong?"

Looking up at the ceiling, I sigh so loud with the hurt that is constricting the whole of my chest. "The coke, Doug...I can't be around that."

His brows are pulled tight, while his hyped up body struggles to stand still. "It's just a bit of coke, Frankie...it's no big deal?"

My resigned eyes briefly look his way, then slide back down to the floor. "It's a big deal to me, Doug." When he tries to hold me, I back away from the man I never thought I would ever back away from. "Drugs are something I have moved on from. Falco was heavily into them, I've personally outgrown them and I have seen people get messed up because of them...they have no place in my life anymore."

Doug half laughs, scratching his head like he's suddenly so confused. "I can take or leave drugs, Frankie. You're making me sound like some hardcore addict or something, when I'm not."