aTRACKion

Chapter Thirty Four

It was.

The decision was easier than easy.

Just like Doug wanted to live with me, I found myself wanting to live with him. But we are being careful about things. After discussing things with Nance and my parents, we eventually decided to live in the conversion for the first part of the week, then live at Doug's for the second part of the week. That way, we can get an idea of whether we can live together without actually giving up our very own piece of homely stability.

On account of that decision, the past four weeks have been utterly crazy. Going well, yet utterly crazy.

Doug has moved some stuff into mine, I have moved some stuff into his. We have also been de-cluttering his mother's house in Waltham Forest, because Doug is deciding whether or not he needs to actually sell it. The cost of his mother being in Chestnut House has apparently made a huge dent in her life savings, and Doug hates seeing his childhood home no longer being lived in.

When he first took me there, I began to realise why he often so fondly talked about it. Just the gated access to its short gravel driveway was prettily impressive; what with the aluminium courtyard gate being the welcoming entrance to the gravelled drive that was lined on both sides with mature silver birch trees. I think I had muttered a "wow" under my breath when I first went through that charming gate and travelled down that pretty driveway.

That "wow" was then replaced with an even more overwhelmed "wow" when I first clapped eyes on the house itself.

It was a detached period property, set within the rural bosom of Epping Forest. I remember staring at it, thinking how quiet it must have been to live in a place like that.

I've never really been into houses. At the end of the day, they're just bricks and mortar, aren't they? I have always believed that it's the people inside a home, who truly make it a home. But with Doug's family home, I kind of got why it meant more to him than it being just bricks and mortar. As houses go, it was a beautiful house to look at. Once I got to see inside, it began getting even more beautiful with each room that Doug had shown to me. Within its walls, memories and love remained. Within the floors, footsteps of the past could almost still be heard.

Doug talked and showed me where he played as a child. He showed me his dad's study, and pointed to the very spot where he would play with his toy cars by his father's feet, while his dad worked from home. He took me to weird little cubbyholes within the house, that he used for long and fun games of Hide-and-seek with his friends and his parents. He even showed me his secret garden den, the one where he had cried for days and days after the tragic death of his father.

Doug gave me the whole emotional and nostalgic tour of his family's home, and it was while he was doing it, that I thought to myself whether Doug himself was really ready to let it go.

But I also realise that the care costs for his mum don't come cheap, and if her savings won't cover the cost for the rest of her care, then sadly Doug has no other option than to sell the house that he grew up in.

So yeah, the weeks have been pretty full-on!

In between all of the moving things in and the de-cluttering things out, and the emotional trips down memory lane, Doug and I have also been tirelessly working in the studio. Doug and his small team, have been perfecting every hook and break, ensuring that my vocals seamlessly blend with the instrumentation of the cathartic DiCarto track. Doug has given Mack just a few weeks to sensationally promote the unveiling of Hear The Chant, so that it coincides with his final appearance at Revival as their resident DJ.

My man wants the club rammed with rabid ravers.

He wants it bursting at its sweaty seams with clubbers chomping at the bit.

And as much as I adore the track, as confident as I am about the song itself, my fears about performing it are beginning to slowly suffocate me from the inside.

I have been so wrapped up in living with Doug as a couple, sorting things out at his mother's house, doing the odd shift at work, and enjoying being involved in the production process of Hear The Chant—I have temporarily numbed my fears about actually performing it.

But as that day gets worryingly closer, I won't lie, I am terrified.

I flit between having brief little moments of heart-stopping excitement, to all out nausea and paralysing fear.

Over and over, I am being told how amazing the track is. And it is, it really is an amazing song to be a part of. I just know it's going to fly up the dance charts. It's not just a track to rave to, it's a track that will powerfully move feet and hearts. It's a song that is going to crawl under the skin of the clubbers, becoming a part of who they are in that moment. The haunting echo of my vocals and the flawless beats that are woven within the hypnotic string arrangements that will build like a fulfilling crescendo inside the chest of anyone who hears it—means that Hear The Chant is going to be an epically timeless dance track.

Robert Miles' Children, is one such track.

Well, Doug's brilliance will be remembered just the same.

Which is why I can't freeze on the stage.

This is Doug's track and my vocals.

I have to believe that I deserve to be on that stage.

I have to believe in the belief that Doug has in me.

I can't let him down.

I can't let myself down.

God, I really can't.

**The endlessly epic track above, is indeed: CHILDREN - ROBERT MILES**