The Bikini Syndrome | WATTYS2019

» thirty-six: snapshots

If Holly were asked to sum up the next few months of her life in one word — which she had been, under the gentle pressure of Dr. Inho a few times — it would be: so-so. Not great, but not terrible either.

If someone had taken snapshots of her life at different times, they would have shown the following:

Snapshot #1

Holly is smiling behind the counter of Cafe By the Sea. The plaid shirt seems to hang off her awkwardly, like it's starting to become too big for her. She is handing change to a customer, and one of her co-workers is standing off to the side, texting.

Snapshot #2

Holly and Oliver are standing in the store after close. He is double checking that the freezer is locked up, and that the cash register is empty. They don't seem to be talking.

Snapshot #3

Taken a minute after the last one, Oliver can be seen gazing at Holly with an uncertain expression. She doesn't seem to notice, and is intensely focused on her phone, probably texting someone.

Snapshot #4

Oliver is in the driver's seat, Holly is in the passenger seat. They are sitting in the driveway of her house. Every night, Oliver takes Holly home now, and every morning, he picks her up for work.

Snapshot #5

The dinner table at Holly's house. Seated around it are Ava, Raven, Holly, her mom and dad, Sadie, and Oliver. Everyone is talking animatedly. Holly is smiling serenely. Her plate is empty.

Snapshot #6

A glimpse through the door of the bathroom. Holly, kneeling on the floor. A toothbrush lies on the ground next to her foot.

Snapshot #7

Holly, Kaya, Zara, and Oliver are at the airport, waving to the retreating figure of Sadie. Holly's face betrays no emotion.

Snapshot #8

Holly, at school, wearing a off the shoulder top and cuffed shorts. Her hair falls loosely around her shoulders and collarbones. Her backpack hangs off one shoulder, and she is talking with Zara and Kaya. All three girls are smiling.

Snapshot #9

This shot is taken from behind. Holly stands in front of a mirror, but her eyes are gazing off into a distance only she can see. Her reflection in the mirror shows her holding something in her hand — it looks like a clump of coppery-red hair.

Snapshot #9

Holly, at school, wearing a sweater and leggings. Her hair is tied into a low ponytail. She's switched to a shoulder bag, and is walking alone in the parking lot. Her breath leaves clouds of mist in the air in front of her. In the distance behind her, Oliver can be seen, waving a hand in the air, shouting something. Maybe Holly's name.

Snapshot #10

This shot is taken from behind Dr. Inho. She is writing furiously on a piece of paper in front of her. Holly is nowhere is sight. In a neat cursive scrawl that betrays nothing: I am concerned. Keep telling her she has every right to feel the way she does. She was in terrible situation and should be allowed to feel fear & anxiety. But she expresses none of these feelings during meetings, so I don't know what she is feeling. Will continue trying to get her to open up. Hope meds are helping.

Snapshot #11

Holly is sitting on her bed, her homework lying undone in her lap. She stares blankly at the wall ahead of her. A crumpled up tissue lies on the floor in front of her.

Snapshot #12

Holly and Oliver are sitting side by side, eating lunch. She has a bagel with cream cheese, and he has some kind of nachos tray topped with tomatoes, chicken, jalapeños, and lots of cheese. He is saying something. Holly is laughing.

Snapshot #13

This shot is taken from above. Holly is collapsed on the floor, her once brilliant red-auburn hair fanning out around her head like dulled blood. Her classmates and teacher hover around her, concerned. Oliver is nowhere to be seen in the photo.