His Unwanted Bride (BWWM) √

Chapter 32

Being a mother of two newborns took it's toll on me. I couldn't sleep as much as I needed because there were times Lucas would want to feed as soon as I closed my eyes.

Lucas turned out to be a crier. At any possible time, he cried and whenever he did, Logan followed. It was like clockwork, so regular that it didn't come as a shock anymore. But because I was recovering from the CS, Keith had it easier than I did. He coped so well but I didn't. I got so used to him doing all those things that I began dreading his absence. He had more control of those things than I did. There was a week when he had to go on a business trip. My dad helped to a certain extent but he wasn't Keith, so he didn't have the magic touch. Avery had the touch to a certain extent but he was indisposed.

I had been counting down to his return because he knew much more than I did, but one day, we all cried together because I got tired of hearing them cry and there was no one to help. Usually, if one started, my dad or Keith or Avery or someone was always there to calm one down but that day, I was alone and tired and sleep-deprived. So when it started I tried calming him and just when I thought I'd succeeded, Logan started and Lucas started again. I joined them. The dam finally broke and all my frustration came flooding my eyes.

I cried and pleaded and pleaded and it was like nothing was working. Yes, I felt like a huge failure because which mother out there cannot control her babies? Which mother out there cannot stop her babies from crying? Which mother out there cried alongside them instead of focusing on calming them down? I knew it wasn't time for a diaper change because I'd just changed the diapers. They just fed, so what was the problem?

That was how Keith met us about 5 minutes later that night, me bawling my eyes out while holding two equally crying babies. He took Lucas away and almost immediately, he kept quiet. Did I mention that Lucas is partial towards Keith? His dad was literally his favorite person. Diaper change with Keith was easy because he cooperated with him. All I basically did for him was feed him because Keith couldn't do that for him.

When he finally got Lucas to calm down and everything fell into place, I was exhausted and so grateful.

"Thank you." I muttered when we finally put them to sleep and I blew my nose into a tissue and he hummed in response. I asked if he'd had dinner and he shook his head.

"I'll order something when I get home. How are you?"

"I'm fine now. It will be too late to order anything by the time you get home." I said as I sat up and got out of bed.

"Maya just go to sleep."

"I'm not a baby. I don't have to be in bed by 8."

"You know them.-" he began while nodding towards them."- They'll wake up soon and you'll have to wake up too. So try to be asleep when they are." and that shut me up. I laid down again and watched him pull off his shoes before getting into the bed beside me. Somewhere along the line, that had become our routine. On the nights I found it difficult to fall asleep, he'd lay down beside me and talk to me until I fell asleep and in the early hours of the morning or whenever, he'd leave.

Our relationship was the strangest thing ever. We were together in that we were still legally married, we were new parents, we looked out for each other when possible, cared and loved each but we weren't together. Together and yet not together. He never pushed even though I could see it in his eyes that he was getting tired of the whole thing. He had asked me to move back in a couple of times but I'd given one reason or another, never actually telling him the truth, that I was afraid that things would become bad again and this time around, I also had the kids to think about not just myself. Normal me would have moved back in as soon as things got better but this time, it wasn't just me but also our sons.