Tom Holland Imagines

Second Hand Love

A/N: I wrote this based off Julie Bergan's song Second Hand Love. It hurt a bit to write to be ready! (I posted it for a second last night but decided to change some things around)

Being best friends with Tom has its perks. Access to the Avengers, accompanying him to movie premiers, getting to play with Tessa as often as you wanted and going to the Holland family's Sunday night dinners. You're grateful for everything that has come with being close with the talented actor. Yet, there were also a lot of downsides to being his best friend; not being able to kiss him slowly under the night sky, keeping your hands off his built body, never getting too close fearing that he'd feel how much you want him. But, the worst thing about being Tom's best friend was not being able to tell him just how much you truly love him.

No one else knew the two of you quite as much as each other. Spending the amount of time that the two of you spent together would typically be enough to drive each other crazy. You made it work though, with spontaneous adventures peeking into your day-to-day routines, there was never a dull moment with him.

Every morning he'd enter your apartment and make his way to your kitchen, knowing you would be there making breakfast. He knows that you're not a morning person so the first thing that would come out of his mouth was an awfully corny joke. And every morning those jokes would never fail to make you laugh, starting your day on a good note. His joke would then be followed by the large cup of coffee that you made for him. His morning coffee order was different than if he got some later in the day. So, Tom would happily drink the perfect cup of coffee that you presented to him and you would ask if it was okay. He never skipped a beat before telling you that it was "just right, as always" with a wide grin, making the butterflies in your stomach flutter around.

Thursday nights with Tom were your favourite. Thursday meant that it was movie night and even though you alternated movie picks Tom would always take your opinion into consideration. You on the other hand, almost always made him watch romantic comedies even with the knowledge that he secretly found them boring. You figured that it was your way of subconsciously trying to get Tom to see that you and him were basically a rom-com waiting to end. Alas, he never caught on and he never would. The way your heart beats for him was simply different than the way his beat for you.

Saturday rolls around and you don't have work so you wake up excited to see Tom and skip down to your favourite brunch spot. Unlike most Saturdays, this one was different the second that Tom was late. He was always punctual for your get-togethers, not as much for early morning filming's, so the one time he arrives late you inquire as to why. He chuckles and utters the three words you've been dreading to hear.

"I met someone"

You freeze for a second before plastering a fake smile on your face and congratulating him. He continues by telling you how he met this girl and how amazing she is.

"Honestly Y/N I've never felt like this" He pauses and sighs dreamily. "Life seems so much more colourful now."

You strain your smile even more hoping that he wouldn't be able to tell how much pain was coursing through your body. He snaps himself from his train of thought and exclaims that he'd just gotten the best idea ever.

"We should go on a double date!"

"But I'm not dating anyone."

"That's easy to fix" His eyes scanned the room and they land on the cute-ish waiter who's clearing tables nearby. "He's cute, right? You should go flirt with him."

You force a laugh and shake your head. Yes, the waiter is cute but he's not Tom and he would never be able to take Tom's place in your heart. It was now too big of a hole to fix. Tom shrugs and figures that he could fix your dating life another time.

A few weeks later Tom was still dating that girl and you saw that he was not going to let her go anytime soon. The way she would make him light up was almost enough to kill you. Knowing that you would never be able to make Tom's eyes sparkle like she did was heart-wrenching. The worst part was that the girl was extremely sweet which meant that hating her was really, really hard. You soon became an afterthought in Tom's life. He was no longer coming to your place in the mornings or showing up for movie night. He'd text you with excuse after excuse. Becoming so unimportant in his life was slowly killing you. Everything reminded you of him and would trigger memories of him which would send you into panic attacks. There were nights where you felt like you couldn't breathe, every single feeling you had for him was putting pressure on you heart and lungs. All you wanted to do was cry out for Tom so he could see how much your love for him was hurting you.

It took Tom another month before he came to his senses or rather before Harrison told him to get it together. He showed up at your apartment with a bouquet of your favourite flowers and a long apology. He claimed that he was so consumed in his new relationship that he forgot how important your routines together were. It was a convincing apology, truly. Filled with "You're my best friend, I never want to lose you" and "You know me better than anyone." You wish you could say that it didn't work but you yearned for him too much. He was the only person who knew the specific laugh you had when something wasn't funny and the small smile you would make right before you were about to cry. Nobody got him like you did and vice versa. You weren't ready to give that up, even though it meant dealing with him being clueless about your feelings. Even if it meant having to see him be utterly happy with someone else. And so, he managed to pull you back into his arms like the tide pulling back into the ocean.

It was all great at first, until he started inviting you out with his girlfriend and the Spider-Man cast. Whatever activity you'd end up doing Tom would always brag about his best friend and how you were "like one of the guys." The first time he said it felt like a dagger going through your heart and shattering any ounce of hope you had that Tom might one day fall for you.

Soon enough the panic attacks came back. They would get so awful that it would feel like a heart attack. You didn't want to admit that being in Tom's life was now so painful that it manifested in a physical manner as well as emotional. The platonic love he has for you now felt as if it was genuinely killing you. You started to wonder if it was worth waiting for him. If the pain of only being his best friend was worth the physical and emotional agony. And truthfully it just wasn't anymore.

So, one day you decide to stop answering his messages. You couldn't be the person who pretends not to be in love with him anymore. All it took was a few taps on your phone and Tom was now blocked. You sigh and put your phone away. You were done being Tom's second-hand love.