Shawn Mendes Imagines

46. Disorder

Shawn's perspective

"It's gonna be okay, Shawn. See you later." She tells me before leaving me alone in this hallway.

My fist hits the white door and I hold my breath before entering the room. It's always an ordeal to be here.

"H-Hey, Y/N..." My voice is as soft and as calm as possible, but it doesn't stop that painful sensation in my throat from clogging my airway.

Every time, it's the same thing. I feel like I can't breathe for the first few minutes. I'm always in a permanent stress whenever I come here. But I have to be strong and hide it as much as I can... for her.

"Shawn ! Shawn, you're here !"

She gets up from her bed and rushes to me. Once she reaches my level, she wraps her thin -too thin- arms around me and hugs me as tight as she can. She has become even skinnier than before, since she's here.

"Yeah, I'm here." I whisper and press a light kiss on top of her head. My lips decide to linger there for a little while as I'm already starting to get lost in my own thoughts. My hands eventually do the same as hers and find her back.

After a moment, we finally pull apart and her eyes full of hope follow my every move as I take a seat, resting my intertwined hands on the table in front of me. She does the same and sits on the chair which is on the opposite side of the table. I examine her a bit and notice her tired state behind the soft little smile she's been wearing since I stepped into this room.

"So-" I have to cut myself off to cough in discomfort.

"S-So, how are you ?" Her sparkly eyes sadden a bit and I feel the need to drag my hands across the table and grab her tiny ones, cheering her up a bit. My thumbs caress the back of her hands gently.

"I miss you, Shawn."

Once again, a deep pain erupts in my heart. It won't ever be the same again.

"I know, Y/N. I know..." I answer and let my gaze fall on the table.

"I miss you too..." I tell myself, in the back of my head.

"Do you still have everything you need ? I can buy you some stuff it's not the case." I finally ask after long seconds of silence spent this lifeless room.

She's toying with my fingers and rubs my silver ring with her thumb. It doesn't bother me, I know she needs some physical contact with me. Even the slightest.

"I think I have everything I need. They are really kind with me here, you know. You don't need to worry about that." I nod as she answers.

What could I do more than worrying,  bringing her some stuff, and visiting her ?

"The other day, Shawn," She starts telling me a story randomly. I know it isn't a good sign. "I was walking in the park, just a few feet away from here, and I saw a man standing near a tree. He was staring at me."

And it starts again.

"Y-N-"

"No no, Shawn. Let me finish the story, please." Her hands grip mine, but this time, it's a bit harder. I know she wants me to listen to her, and most importantly, she wants me to believe her.