☆Featured in Teen Fiction's "Soul Deep" reading list☆
☆Featured in New Adult's "Mental Health" reading list☆
//COMPLETE & EDITED
I send him a string of paper airplanes: You're the sum of all tomorrows. And I'll say that tomorrow. And the day after...
"Don't know why I tried 'Cause ain't nobody like you Familiar disappointment every single time I do Every single night my arms are not around you My mind's still wrapped around you."
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I watch from the doorsteps as the ambulance drives away, lights blaring, siren wailing. I think of Katherine, cold and unconscious in the back of the vehicle, and my organs seem to freeze again. It's like when there's turbulence in an airplane and you feel yourself dropping, your stomach left behind. It's that same empty, dizzying, disorientating sensation. And so I don't get any further than the last step, collapsing onto it and staring at the road in front of me. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of tires on asphalt as a car drives past every now and again. I've spent all my tears; all that's left now is the dull ache in my chest.
It's all my fault, I think. Because I didn't pick up. Because I argued with her. Because all I'd ever wanted to do was fix her and now she's broken and it's too late to gather the pieces and start over.
My phone buzzes and my heart speeds up, fumbling to get it out of my pocket. Katherine's mom promised to call me and tell me how things were once they were at the hospital and the doctors had figured out what happened.
But instead, it's Gabriel. How was Kat? Is she ok? he's written.
No is all I have strength to type. Pure exhaustion is the blood that runs through my veins.
Gabe: What was wrong? The reply comes quickly.
I think back to that time at the barbecue, when Kat had called me and I'd asked her the same thing. I remember her answer, the quiver in her voice, the desperation: Everything, she'd said. But that time, I'd been there to help. I'd held her hand and told her that she didn't need to hurt herself to mean something.
She never needed to do anything to mean everything to me. Maybe she didn't know that. But maybe she did and it wasn't enough.
I look back at the screen of my phone.
Ashton: She was in her room unconscious her mom called an ambulance they're at the hospital now. I don't know why she was like that.
Gabe: R u not with them?
Ashton: no. I'm sitting on their front steps and waiting.
Gabe: waiting for what?
To wake up, I want to write. To get the picture of her lying on the floor out of my mind because it's driving me absolutely insane. But I'm saved from having to conjure up a plausible answer by the ringing of my phone; it's Katherine's mom. I pick it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Ashton." Her voice on the other end sounds completely spent.
