Isn't She Lovely

Chapter 12: Regrets

Natsuki:
TW: violence and abuse

  I was so tired, tired of grieving my mother's death. Tired of waking up every morning sore and in pain. Tired of walking through my house like one would walk on eggshells. Tired of being treated like nothing. Tired of the abuse. Tired of the humiliation. I was tired.

  My Papa brought the belt down on my knees and back. I clenched my eyes shut, clutching the carpet numbly, trying not to focus on each agonizing blow. I let my mind drift.

   "Natty!" My mom called out and I grinned hiding under the bed, hands over my mouth to contain my giggles . I watched enthusiastically as my mom searched in drawers and under blankets for me. Before suddenly I was pulled from under the bed and my Papa spun me around kissing my cheeks and mama wrapped her arms around us both, laughing as she kissed Papa, her eyes gleaming. We were so happy...

"You little bitch, answer me!" Papa's fist connects with my jaw. I'm glad I never told Yuri where I lived. It was a mistake to call her...she had her own problems...she didn't need my burdens.
   "I'm sorry Papa." I sob and he picks me up by the back of my night gown. His eyes are hazed with alcohol. God how I hated alcohol. Tears well up in my eyes. I just wanted this to be over.
   "You good for nothing brat !" He slams me to the floor stomping on my hip. I cry out, he sneers. Waving me off.

  "Get out of my sight !" He growls and I drag myself towards the stairs, trying to keep from toppling over. Blood drips from my mouth.

My breathing is labored but I need to get upstairs. I have to. Before he changes his mind. I have to hurry. I try to move more quickly but every step feels like I'm swallowing broken glass and stepping on beer bottles. Which was possible, he had broken a beer bottle against my legs. I had my hand on the railing heaving myself onto the first stair.

"Natsuki." He suddenly snarls and fearful I turned; my whole body tense I whimper as I fall onto the stair behind me.
  "Yes Papa?" I questioned innocent as possible. He starts over to me and my heart speeds up, oh God did he change his mind?  His expression changes and I cringe.
   "This is why we listen to Papa... Papa doesn't like it when his cute angel doesn't listen." He coos, his voice shifting to the persona where he reverts to when I was nine years old...the year my mom died. He reaches out a hand cupping my chin.

I gulp down the blood and bile in my mouth a force a sickly sweet expression.
   "I'm sorry Papa, I'll be better. Promise I will." I whimpered and he smiled tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
   "That's Papa's good girl. Now go upstairs, get ready for bed. I'm going to see if Mama's still at work. Sleep tight cutie pie." He kisses my forehead and leaves for the kitchen. I reach out  for the railing once more. "Natty you won't be going to school for awhile." He adds his tone edgier. I nod furiously.
   "I understand Papa." Yeah I understand. Understand that he was afraid of being discovered.

3 days later ...

I was doing this for Monika, she wouldn't find out. If I came late, Yuri and Sayori might not even be here. I shuffled the pens and journal in my hand nervously. Hopefully the make-up worked and I didn't look as in pain as I felt. The elevator dinged and I carefully walked out, flashing the person climbing on a kind smile.

  I hated hospitals, they reminded me of my mother.

  I followed the instructions from the receptionist and paused at the open doorway.
   "Lila, Sayori stop ganging up on me!" Monika complained from inside and my legs quivered with strain.

  Papa was only at work till six, I had to be home before 7. Taking a deep breath I pushed aside the curtain and walked in.

  The room was decorated in pale grays and whites, everything including the blankets and Monika's hospital provided pajamas.